I Can Turn into a Fish

Chu Xian nodded at her. “Make your video first and introduce my shop, then help me advertise my Fast Hands’ account number!”

Xiao Xiao listened and her mouth twitched. She said discontentedly, “You really know how to drive a hard bargain! Hmph, it seems your fish aren’t easy to get!”

Chu Xian smiled, “When you help someone with something, you should see it through to the end. I’ll give you a discount if you visit my shop again!”

Xiao Xiao’s face blackened. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Very good, you beast. I’m going to start the stream. Use your Fast Hands account to join my chat and I’ll add you!”

“Great, great! Thanks!” Chu Xian nodded with a happy smile, taking out his phone immediately.

Xiao Xiao turned on the stream. As a very beautiful girl with more than two million followers, more than five thousand people quickly clicked into her stream.

“Welcome to my stream!” Xiao Xiao enthusiastically welcomed the viewers. Chu Xian watched from the side and was distracted for a moment by her cuteness.

“Guess where I am? I’m at a goldfish shop! And an extremely high-quality goldfish shop at that! Let me show you!” Xiao Xiao skillfully turned the conversation to goldfish and displayed them on the camera one by one.

Chu Xian was soon surprised and caught off-guard; Xiao Xiao transformed into an ornamental fish expert and explained everything seriously to the viewers – from variety, color, value, etc. Everything was explained in depth and even Chu Xian was shocked listening to her.

“These five fish were well spent!” Chu Xian saw the stream had more than seven thousand viewers and he seemed satisfied. He was full of admiration for Xiao Xiao’s words.

“The reason I explained so much is actually because I accepted five small goldfish from the owner of the shop. Ten thousand RMB – I couldn’t possibly afford them otherwise!” Xiao Xiao said as she pretended to be poor. “But it’s true that all the goldfish are very rare – two thousand each isn’t too much to ask. People who know the business will understand; these goldfish can’t be compared to cheap goldfish from Tao Bao. Everyone will understand when you see the real thing – I’ll upload a video soon! It will contain the shop owner’s WeChat and Fast Hands account numbers. If anyone wants to buy, add him on WeChat!”

“Okay then! My stream will end here! Love you all! Bye!” The stream lasted around ten minutes. Xiao Xiao turned it off and looked at Chu Xian, “Happy? Can I pick my five goldfish now?”

“Sure, of course you can!” Chu Xian nodded happily. “But it would be best if you help me make a video and upload it to Fast Hands too.”

“This…(1)” Xiao Xiao’s face blackened again. Taking a deep breath and gritting her teeth, she said, “Fine!”

Chu Xian watched happily from the side as Xiao Xiao picked out five goldfish with an angry glare. Without a moment’s hesitation, she then hauled Xiao Man out of the shop.

“I’m already taken, I’m not going to go fishing for other beauties…” Chu Xian glanced over Xiao Xiao’s retreating beautiful silhouette with a small smile.

What he didn’t know was that his small shop had already achieved small fame within the Hai Qing University area.

This was mainly because of the four girls who had entered the shop earlier that afternoon. All four girls were good-looking, and the one named Qing Qing was vice president of one of the student groups. She was the one who posted: “If you buy me a whole tank of these goldfish, I’ll be your girlfriend!”

She had five or six people actively chasing her, and there were still more boys who secretly liked her or had a good relationship with her. She was very popular and her friend circle was also very wide.

The post from the goddess attracted much attention and people commented one after another. A bold boy even directly asked, “Qing Qing, will you marry me if I buy you ten tanks?”

As soon as this courageous guy took the lead, many others also commented jokingly, “Goddess, can you tell me where you took this photo? I’ll buy all the fish in the shop for you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Goddess, there are only six small fish in the tank. There’s no way you’ll be satisfied! I’ll buy you twenty so you can be stuffed!”

“Qing Qing! Are these goldfish enough for you to sell yourself? Tonight, a swarm of boys will come to your dorm with fish tanks and their confessions for you!”

“Goddess! Fifty goldfish! I won’t ask you to be my girlfriend; you only need to give me a chance!”

In the span of a couple of hours, twenty or thirty comments were posted. Qing Qing laughed in the female dorms and said to her roommates, “Isn’t my charm powerful? There are so many people willing to buy me twenty fish to eat. Wow, I’m so lucky! One bite for two thousand RMB, twenty for forty thousand!”

“Qing Qing, you’re so bad! If they knew the price I don’t know what expression they’d make!” a cute girl said with a smile.

“Hehe! I’m going to post another. En, this is it: ‘If you want to give me goldfish for lunch and want to buy ten tanks to marry me, go to Gu Wu Street #108 Ornamental Fish Shop. I’m not giving the owner an advertisement here!'”

“Haha!” After posting this, Qing Qing couldn’t help but laugh again. “I really want to see their expressions when they get there!”

“Qing Qing, your post is on fire! Come and take a look! It was even posted on the school wall! Haha, there’s even a live feed! ‘A Tank of Goldfish to Become Goddess Qing Qing’s Boyfriend!’ Haha, so funny!”

“Where? Let me see!” Qing Qing leaned over curiously.

It turned out that on the campus wall, a post had just appeared which already had forty or fifty comments. An account named ‘Most Handsome Boy in Hai Qing’ had posted it and he made the first comment, claiming that he was going to buy a tank of goldfish from the shop on Gu Wu Street and confess to Qing Qing. He was going to renew his post every ten minutes in a live feed, updating everyone on his progress.

“Qing Qing, who is this funny guy? He started a live feed to chase you, haha!”

“The funniest thing is what will this guy do when he gets to the shop and sees the prices? Is he going to spit up blood?”

While Qing Qing and her friends talked, several boys were already walking towards Gu Wu Street.

“Lao San, don’t blame your brother for abandoning you for a beautiful girl. We’ll all buy a tank of goldfish, and if you fail tonight, we’re going to give it a shot too!”

“Psh. You have no chance! I’m too handsome!” An energetic boy with a crewcut touched his head and said, “Goddess Qing Qing said it herself! When the time comes, she might really become my girlfriend, haha!”

“She’s probably just joking! You can’t take her so seriously!” his roommate cautioned.

“I don’t care if it’s a joke! Hot-blooded youth pursuing girls need no excuse. You only need to stick the pin where there’s a hole, thick-skinned and shameless. This is the only way to get girls. Look at yourself! Ayy, you haven’t had a girlfriend in two years while I already slept with three!”

“F**k! You shameless b**st**d. We should spread news of your crime!”

“Haha, stop bullsh**ing. I’m going to take a photo of Gu Wu Street and post it. I’m going to let Goddess Qing Qing know my true feelings and love for her. I’m going to move her with my words! Let’s go, brothers!”

Translator’s Thoughts

 Aristophaneso

1- So the more astute readers may have noticed a slight difference in translation style. I’m no longer including “said” after every dialogue sentence etc. Now, when the characters nod their words, they will nod their words. Also I’ll start putting in ellipses where the author puts them. I originally wanted to just have very correct English, but in the interest of translation speed, I’ll keep mostly to a transliteration of the original Chinese text.