Chapter 3349: Potty Mouthed Infant
Chapter 3349: Potty Mouthed Infant
Tears welled at the corners of the infant’s eyes due to the sudden brightness. The child blinked twice, wriggled slightly and then looked up at Lin Mu.
Cute. Innocent. Pink chubby cheeks.
Lin Mu prepared himself to hear a tiny cry.
HUU
Instead, the baby inhaled sharply and then bellowed:
"NOW WHICH MOTHERFUCKER WALKED IN HERE TO GAZE UPON THE GLORIOUS NAKED FORM OF THIS IMMORTAL?"
Lin Mu jerked hard enough that the runes under his feet flickered.
The baby’s voice was high pitched, still carrying the softness of an infant’s undeveloped throat, but the words were unmistakably crude. Horrifyingly crude. The kind of curses one would hear shouted across a drunken brawl behind a tavern.
He tried to process it, but the baby was not finished.
"Oi, you. Yes, you. You think I do not hear your self righteous breathing? Speak up, you sack of sanctimonious donkey spit."
Lin Mu’s lips parted.
Nothing came out.
In his mind, Xukong released a booming laugh.
"Hahahaha. Oh, this is rich. This is beyond rich. This child curses better than half the demonic path experts I have met."
Lin Mo practically howled in amusement, slapping his thighs, almost falling over in Lin Mu’s Mindscape.
"This is the best thing I have seen since I came into existence. A reincarnated potty mouthed gremlin trapped in a baby body. Lin Mu, we are blessed."
Lin Mu ignored them both with great difficulty.
The baby growled deep in its tiny throat, like a baby tiger mewling angrily.
"I said who dares disturb this great being? Come forth, fool. Bow. Kneel. Do something...
I cannot see from this angle because my useless noodle neck refuses to cooperate. Curse this infant body! I hope the heavens trip over their robes."
Lin Mu pressed a palm to his forehead.
The infant continued, voice rising dramatically.
"You think confinement can stop me? You think seals can hinder the glory of my divine self? If not for these pathetic baby muscles, I would have slapped this entire chamber into dust. Dust, I tell you! And then pissed on it!"
The baby attempted to turn his head, failed miserably, and grunted with frustration.
"Turn me over, whoever you are. I cannot see your face and it is annoying me. You look like a big blurry blob. I want to insult you properly."
Lin Mu exhaled through his nose and spoke calmly.
"I am Lin Mu."
The baby froze.
Then it cleared its tiny throat.
"Lin Mu? Never heard of you. You one of those righteous cultivator types? A monk? A sage? A bald headed enlightenment chaser? You better not be a monk. Those bald clowns love trapping people in reincarnation cycles."
Lin Mu blinked.
Xukong wheezed with laughter in his mind.
Lin Mo let out a broken cackle.
The baby tried to raise a hand, failed, and then cursed at his own limbs.
"These arms are garbage. Absolute garbage. I slapped open mountains with my old hands. Now these little sausages cannot even reach my face. When I get my strength back I am coming for whoever invented infancy. Waste of time."
Lin Mu resisted the overwhelming urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.
He finally asked, voice soft.
"Who are you?"
The baby puffed up proudly, though the effect was lost when his belly jiggle made him wobble.
"I am the great Tao Yinsu. Celestial Monarch of the Thousand Star Aegis. The Heaven Crushing Immortal. The bane of hypocrites. Conqueror of nine realms. Lover of thirty six celestial maidens. Breaker of sect masters. Slayer of arrogant young masters. Inventor of the Sacred Wine Cauldron Brew. And now..."
His voice cracked.
He flailed one tiny hand.
"Now I am trapped in a squishy pink flesh sack without teeth. Without teeth! Do you understand my suffering?"
He inhaled sharply and screamed at the ceiling.
"I had wisdom that moved mountains. Now I get sleepy after crying. This is humiliation. Outrage! A cosmic insult even!"
Lin Mu rubbed his temples.
He had expected a horror. He had expected a tragedy. He had expected a danger to be solved.
He did not expect a legendary reincarnated celestial monarch with a vocabulary of a drunk street brawler.
Tao Yinsu continued ranting.
"These fools outside want to kill me. Kill me. As if they could harm even a strand of my hair. If I had my old strength I would have turned their entire bloodline into potted plants."
Lin Mu sighed, muttering under his breath.
"So he really is a reincarnation."
Xukong scoffed with amusement.
"Indeed. A very loud one."
The baby pointed at Lin Mu, or rather pointed vaguely in his direction since his finger coordination was atrocious.
"You. Big human. You better be the one who gets me out of this cold stone prison. I swear to the heavens, if you leave me here I will haunt your dreams. You hear me? I will scream at you every night. I will narrate your failures. I will chant insults into your meditation sessions."
Lin Mu finally snapped out of his shock and exhaled a long breath.
This was going to be complicated.
Very, very complicated.
And extremely loud.
Lin Mu rubbed his forehead slowly, feeling a genuine headache forming behind his eyes. He had fought undead beasts, ancient formations, baleful energies, spatial distortions, cursed seas, transcendent arrays, and frightening elders.
In none of those moments had he ever felt a headache.
But this one-year-old reincarnated menace was doing it effortlessly.
He muttered under his breath.
"I did not wake up expecting this."
The infant huffed, puffed his tiny cheeks, and grumbled in a voice that sounded like a drunken old man stuffed into a toy doll.
"What are you rubbing your head for, big guy? You think you have problems? Try being me. Try being the mighty Tao Yinsu trapped in a squishy pink flesh ball with useless limbs. Try being sealed in an underground pit like spoiled leftovers. Try being cold and naked for a month. Try that, you oversized sandal strap."
Lin Mu blinked."Sandal strap?"
Tao Yinsu nodded sagely."A sandal strap that trips over its own dignity."
Lin Mu sighed heavily.