Chapter 230
Chapter 230
For the first time in my life, I can live luxuriantly and enjoy all the extravagances of wealth and rank, but now that I have it all, I understand that the only thing I truly desire is to gather again the three of us and share a simple bowl of cabbage soup.
But the past could not be changed and the what-ifs were set in stone; all that remained in the dust of this earth — tragedy.
The candle flickered and slowly died.
In the deep of the night.
Snow fell heavily like sheets of cotton and a thick blanket soon covered everything.
Feng Zhiwei walked silently wearing only a thin dress. The cold snow came up to her ankles and cut deep to her bones, but she ignored it all. There was nothing colder than her heart.
She was asleep amidst the permafrost and the thick, rising snow, isolated and alone forever more.
“Zhiwei, wait for me.”
“I’d like to hear the waves when the wind blows through the reeds, and maybe a feather will fall on my sleeve as well. En... do you want to go listen to it with me?”
But we will never get the chance.
As soon as Xin Ziyan’s Golden Feather Guard had broken through the gates of the Cui Fang Residence, the reed marsh in far off South Sea withered away into memory.
Love and hatred; right and wrong.
Ning Yi.
The Golden Feather Guard is yours?
Our Feng Family’s Case... when we first met, right?
Your attentiveness to Feng Hao... because of your suspicions to our background?
So I have always been a target — not for love, but for power.
I have always stood against you — not by fate, but by blood.
He... how stupid. How foolish.
No indulgence will be allowed me ever, and as soon as my heart begins racing like a wild stallion, fate takes the reins and strangles me, cutting me with piercing blows.
Everything I wished for were dreams passing like clouds, pretty things that scatter in the wake of thunder and wind.
The things I thought were close enough to touch are far off at the edge of the world.
The snow fell heedless and heartless, indifferent to the lonely people standing silent in the dark night.
Feng Zhiwei sat on her feet, kneeling by a short tree. Slowly, she dragged her finger through the snow, carving out a name.
In the thin moonlight, the snow almost glistened. Feng Zhiwei stared down at that name for a long moment before placing her reddened hand on the snow.
The small stretch of snow warmed under her freezing hand and all the thousand cares of her heart and the heartaches of loneliness melted away, disappearing like life and family.
When the sun rose, Feng Zhiwei carried two coffins out of Ning An Palace, her spine straight and her eyes forward. She never looked back.
The name she’d carved had long since melted away and the last traces were now covered by layer and layer of snow, forever hidden.
In the Thirteenth Year of Chang Xi, in the Imperial Capital Dijing, a girl was banished from the Qiu Mansion and made homeless. That year, a servant boy eked a living in a brothel, a peerless National Scholar rose rapidly in the ranks, and a teenage Imperial Envoy achieved great success and merit.
In this Thirteenth Year, a lascivious prince wandered Dijing. A Dynasty Founding Emperor revealed once more his cruelty and cold heart. A famed Female General endured humiliation, and an innocent young boy lived wildly, unaware of his fate.
This Thirteenth Year, the two met by a winter lake, drank by an abandoned bridge in the deep of night, strove to live in an ancient temple, and found warmth in the troubled South Sea.
On this Thirteenth Year of Chang Xi, one life continued, and bright memories as the year’s first snow fell, cruel and uncaring.
All the pomp and luxury fell away into nothing.
...
Wind swept down from the Snowy Mountains of Qing Zhuo, carrying the pure icy fragrance across the thousand li of the vast steppes, falling on a young woman’s face — a comfortable cool.
The horizon fell away in the distance, ever stretching, and the setting sun hung behind, burning a vast and magnificent purple orange, its dancing light reflected in the great river before her.
“Beyond this river lies the territory of the United Twelve Tribes of Hu Zhuo.” Hua Qiong announced, feeling the ceremony of the moment as she covered Feng Zhiwei with a cloak. “It might be spring back home, but it will only get colder up ahead. Such thin clothes, what if you get sick?”
Feng Zhiwei stared across the river, her hands clasped behind her back. She stirred, turning and smiling at Hua Qiong, gathering the cloak around her as she replied: “I’m not a bedridden cat. You’re expecting, you’re the one who needs to keep warm.”
Hua Qiong returned her smile, patting her on the shoulder.
But soon, the two turned away.
One set of eyes turned off, wandering absently down the river; the other set squinted, peering off into the distant steppes.
Wind swept hair and sleeves fluttered in the breeze.
Dijing was some days behind them. After that great snowy storm, Feng Zhiwei plowed through a great illness as she buried her mother and brother. When she had finally recovered, she thought over everything and finally decided to leave the capital.
All the sacrifice had to be worth it. Her mother had spoiled her brother for sixteen years in preparation for that one day, to sacrifice him when the dynasty came against the Da Cheng Imperial Blood. Her mother had even sacrificed herself to win the Tian Sheng Emperor’s forgiveness and pity, earning Feng Zhiwei a chance to survive and a chance to rise.
She no longer needed to hide herself. With the Emperor’s guilt and her new title as Princess, she could finally walk the path her mother had planned.
Her mother had did everything for her, even using her death to trick the Emperor. How could Feng Zhiwei let her down? How could she waste her mother’s life? How could she waste her brother’s?
Since Ning Yi had already decided to move against her, he would never leave the job undone. She had escaped, but who knew when the next attack would come? When Ning Yi returned triumphant from quashing the Minnan Rebellion, his power would rise meteorically. How could she fight against him?
“There are things I must achieve, and now that I have walked down this path, I cannot retreat. Sometimes, those in power cannot do what they wish, even if they want to step back, their subordinates and followers will not allow it. You... do you understand?”
His words still rang clearly in her mind, and only now did she understand the deep meaning underlying that conversation they had at the veranda outside the Imperial Study, after the Fifth Prince had tried to claim the Crown Princedom.
Sadly, she understood too late.
Surviving in Dijing is not easy, so she retreated for the moment. There were vast oceans and boundless skies she had not yet seen.