The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Originally, I had intended on properly recording the coronation ceremony for the revival of the Elven Empire. This was because it would obviously become a major event recorded in history.

In order to help history have a better understanding of this event, I even intended to use the ancient Chinese “eight-legged essay” style that I was familiar with to describe it and analyze its effects on the world.

“In the year FD8 of the Dawn Generation, the Elven Empire was revived under Elven Empress Harloys in the small town of Sindair in Danbor. This ceremony represented the establishment of the Elven Empire, an important moment in history. Representatives of the four Superior Elf species attending this ceremony included wood elf representatives Kelly and Fenkar, dark elf representatives Diana, Victoria, and Stere, moon elf representatives Suana and Marst, and finally silver elf representatives Sartis and Karxin. The ceremony was completed perfectly in a serious and solemn atmosphere, totaling eleven minutes and seventeen seconds…”

I apologize, I couldn’t make up any more words. That was because I had no idea how to describe this event that only took 27 minutes in total, with 70% of the time being used to recite the elves’ ridiculously long and useless ceremonial incantations.

Well, if I really had to describe what happened in more detail, I could only record these things below.

The master of ceremonies announced that the ceremony began. Everybody clapped.

The master of ceremonies began reading a list of names of the main members in attendance. At first, everyone listened quite seriously as these names would likely be the main players in the power pyramid in this new Elven Empire. However, the master of ceremonies used perfect cacuminal sounds in the difficult to pronounce elven language to sing out the elven noble names like an opera song. Large amounts of the audience fell asleep or into stupor.

Considering that time was limited, the master of ceremonies only read off the names of the most important individuals and representatives as they would need to be recorded in history as the leaders who revived the Elven Empire. However, just reading the names alone took about 23-24 minutes.

This would have been better if there had been any meaning to it. However, all of it was difficult to understand in elven language that was intentionally lengthened for no apparent reason. The elves also had way too many unnecessary ceremonial lines. Perhaps even the elves themselves would be bored… Fine, I admit that I didn’t know if the elves themselves would be bored, but Adam, who was in the first row as a witness to this ceremony, had instantly fallen asleep while the elf next to him glared at him.

Finally, it was time for the main show. Harloys got on stage, put on her golden crown, picked up her staff that represented royal authority, and then gave her first speech as Elven Empress.

“I swear in the name of my father that I’ll do a good job. That’s all.”

Yep, that was literally all Harloys said. She was met with a certain person’s astonishingly loud cheer…

“Can we finally eat now!?” Adam woke up at this time while drooling everywhere. The elves around him were looking at him with disgust. Although everyone had been quite bored with the elven ceremony, Adam had been the only one who didn’t give the elves any face whatsoever with his brazen behavior.

Indeed, I was recording Adam’s actions in extra detail so that I could send this report to the fairies tomorrow and make him into headline news!

“What did Adam do to make you angry this time?”

“He said that he wants a dozen children so that he can assemble basketball teams. He also said that it’s not safe now, so he will have children after the Holy War ends! He already broke free from being single already, and now he dares to show off how blissful he is in front of someone who’s single? I can’t tolerate it! Ha, I’m going to make him famous! It’s his own fault for behaving so unseemly and antagonizing those grudge-holding pointy ears.”

“…Why do I feel like Adam is creating the most dangerous type of death flag?”

“Eh, you… you changed into a cat again?”

Only now did I notice that the beautiful and extravagant Gold Elf up on stage was nothing more than one of Harloys’ clones. The real Harloys jumped onto my shoulder.

“This is to prevent myself from being assassinated. In this day and age, the average rule of emperors and empresses is far too short…”

The black cat casually stated something that even she didn’t believe as she rubbed and licked my face. It felt cool and itchy.

“I feel far more comfortable like this,” Harloys added.

“…You’re so sly.”

My words made Harloys pause in surprise. She looked at me in astonishment as if she was seeing something exotic, as if metal could bloom with flowers or as if there had been a meteor shower.

“You actually understand?”

“Tsk, I’ve never been an idiot…’I swear in the name of my father that I’ll do a good job?’ If your father had vanished into the Cycle of Reincarnation, you’d probably take that seriously, but in this situation, don’t you mean ‘I swear in the name of Didina that I’ll do a good job, but if something happens, go find her?’ Of course you’re so sly!”

The silly cat suddenly chuckled uproariously, and I laughed as well…

“Damn it, why are you biting me!”

And then, a cat-eared hat was added to my head.

Although the coronation ceremony had been simple, what it represented wasn’t simple at all.

In the past, when elven emperors or kings ascended the throne, either an Elven God’s incarnation would personally put the crown on the elven ruler, or an elven head priest representing an Elven God would crown the ruler. The elven emperor or king would also have to show gratitude and submit to the Elven Gods. This represented how the elven royal authority was still subservient to the Elven Gods’ authority.

But in this ceremony, Harloys had directly been crowned without a single Elven God present. The ones who came uninvited had all been beaten up and kicked out. We even had two Hell Gods’ incarnations present among the audience as witnesses to the coronation ceremony. Obviously, I didn’t need to explain why they were here.

The coronation ceremony itself had been completed in less than half an hour. However, the work that came afterwards continued until midnight. Thankfully, all the work could be completed on the floating airship. Otherwise, I would have been pained about how much time was wasted.

Well, rather than work, perhaps the phrase “dividing the spoils” would be more accurate.

A new empire had been established. Although this empire was a member of the Mist Alliance, it would definitely require its own territory, organizations, and citizens. At that time, with its own citizens, it would have its own society, and with its own society, it would have its own social classes and the upper classes taking advantage of the lower classes… er, I meant division of labor in society.

Perhaps the elves would be able to break free from their old traditions after joining the Mist Alliance. But, at this time, it would be best not to overly stimulate the elves, and let them stick to their traditions for the time being.

In this “revived” Elven Empire, the four Superior Elf species supporting the Gold Elf’s rule meant that these four species would also take part of the ruling authority and glory for themselves. In that case, the positions and responsibilities of the four Superior Elf species had to be determined here. Time was limited, so the finer details couldn’t be decided here, but it was absolutely necessary to establish an overall framework to make the elves feel assured.

“Others are busy fighting life and death battles, yet you’re all here, dividing up authority and positions. How is this any different from dividing the spoils?”

“…This is clearly supposed to be the Superior Elves acting out their proper roles according to their natural talents, all under the guidance of a Gold Elf who leads the elves in this revived empire. Why does something so bright and open sound so underhanded and dirty when you describe it?”

“Ha, just look at how allured and extraordinarily greedy those elves look. There’s no difference from dividing the spoils. You know that I always speak the truth.”

Harloys was rendered speechless. While elves indeed physically resembled their counterparts in fairy tales, internally they were so much different. The pointy-eared elves were naturally vain and prone to holding grudges. Superior Elves were born with higher status than ordinary elves, so they were already accustomed to all sorts of power struggles. How could Superior Elves so easily make any concessions?

Over the entire night, dividing the spoils… er, the discussions hadn’t stopped for a single moment. However, what I didn’t expect, although it was only natural, was that none of the “temporary leaders” of the four Superior Elf species in our Elven Empire were my people.

The wood elf tribe leader was “Elf of the Forest” Fenkar V. Casola (his name was actually much longer, but I’ll skip the rest). Fenkar was a famed arch druid of the wood elves. He was also famous for being a moderate who believed in getting along with others. It was only natural that he was chosen as the tribe’s leader.

Fenkar was only four hundred something years old. He was a large wood elf with a red face. As a wood elf arch druid, he had probably just reached adult age. However, he seemed rather strange as he kept trembling when he looked at me.

“…Your Highness, we have previously met once before. I had only recently become a druid at that time, and you left me with a truly deep impression. The voice of nature tells me that your soul is even more powerful than back then.”

We had met before? I had no recollection of ever meeting this wood elf arch druid. Hey, wait, he dropped his staff? Why was he running away?

“…Cough, I’ve heard of him before. Fenkar is a lucky survivor of your Ice Aeon spell. It’s also said that he’s suffering from the aftereffect of constantly shivering whenever it snows. He’s also trembling because he sees you…”

Harloys’ true body was on my shoulder, yet her Gold Elf clone was still talking to the other elves. She was truly a skilled multitasker. I instantly understood everything from her words.

“Oh, so this is like injuring your tooth on a popsicle when young, getting an automatic reaction of shivering when seeing popsicles? I understand.”

“It’s definitely not the same thing! Do you really use Ice Aeon to make popsicles…? Damn it, I need to stop being influenced by you!”

I felt rather awkward from being glanced at by the arch druid in the distance who kept sneaking peeks at me… This wasn’t because I was afraid of him taking revenge or anything like that. It was just that having a middle-aged male constantly sneak peeks at me with a red face made me feel rather uncomfortable.

The temporary leader of the wood elves was truly “temporary” since there weren’t that many wood elves in the Northlands. The few here right now were mostly just for show. Of course, the wood elves wouldn’t have much power. However, the other three Superior Elf species in our Elven Empire were quite numerous.

Dark elf leader Stere had no family name. It was rumored that she was the younger sister of Lorci’s holy maiden (Lorci’s illegitimate daughter). Yep, that unfortunate individual Harloys had killed and taken the body of. However, Stere didn’t have Lorci’s bloodline… When considering how the dark elf society was messy to the point where it was impossible to know who someone’s father and mother might truly be, and how everything in dark elf society was filled with so much darkness that couldn’t see the light of day, that was all I needed to know. It was likely that Stere’s family history would provide enough material for several novels filled with love and hate.

Victoria had always been incredibly ambitious. As the inventor of the Desecration Priestess job class, she was the most powerful Desecration Priestess in the world. The entire dark elf society no longer had any ruling Gods. There was a lot of power of belief to go around, but even Anslo had failed in obtaining the dark elves’ worship… I felt that if I ignored Victoria for another two hundred years, it seemed quite possible that she would suddenly become a Goddess.

Victoria’s greatest trump card, apart from my support, was that she had an incredibly powerful older sister who lacked any ambition. Diana was basically the dark elf ranked #1 now.

It could be said that Victoria had full control over the strongest military and religious authority in dark elf society. Although she had no official position, she was the most powerful dark elf individual. However, Victoria was evidently quite sly. She had no intentions of personally taking any leadership positions, nor did she have her older sister Diana, who was greatly unskilled in politics, take a leadership role.

…If Victoria really did try and take a leadership position, I would be on guard, and maybe do something. Victoria also knew that I was on guard against her, so she had always remained humble and cautious. Neither did she interfere too much with the dark elves. However, what she didn’t know was that the more she acted this way, the more I felt like her true intentions were deeper than a swamp. She was incredibly dangerous. Considering “her” (his) glorious accomplishments in the game’s history, if I died and nobody was around to suppress her anymore, it was likely that a major catastrophe would happen.

“So you’re a puppet leader… Sorry, sorry, I accidentally spoke the truth out loud.”

I hurriedly apologized sincerely to the dark elf girl leader named Stere who seemed like she was about to cry. But, when I apologized, the little girl ended up truly crying.

Even though it seemed like Victoria didn’t actually do much, the dark elves were actually the strongest Superior Elf species in the Northlands. The dark elves still had most of their strength, as well as a high population from the Underground. A naturally magic-resistant species like the dark elves would be incredibly useful as the Elemental Tide furiously increased in the future. The dark elves also had complete power and job class systems of their own. Now that they also had powerful new job classes like anti-holy knight and Desecration Priestess, it was only natural that they would become even stronger.

“It would seem that I need to suppress the dark elves for the sake of balance… Ah, I said it out loud again by accident! I’m sorry, so sorry. Little girl, please don’t cry. I won’t hit you. I’ll only suppress you, suppress.”

Uh-oh, now she was crying even louder. Alright then, I had already scared two elf leaders into crying, so I should probably go have a rest on the sidelines.

The silver elf tribe leader was named Sartis Rufen Camusi Silverspear (another dozen or so names skipped for convenience). He was an incredibly handsome silver elf who was a war hero. He was also one of the leading youngster silver elf commanders, and one of the main leaders of the anti-moon elf silver elf faction that caused the silver elf fracture… However, Harloys was glaring at Sartis with a vicious, unfriendly expression.

“The Silverspear Family…”

Of course I wouldn’t forget that the Silverspear Family had previously rebelled against the Gold Elves. Two of the oldest Silverspear Family seniors, Savor Silverspear and Ostan Silverspear, were on the list of names that Harloys absolutely wanted to see dead more than anyone. However, since the silver elves had just recently joined our Northlands Elven Empire, of course we would still use their current leader. It would be impossible for us to replace their leader without sufficient reason.

“Tsk, he has such pretty eyes, and he’s trying to suck up to Harloys (well, her clone)… Harloys, as both an observer and the main person involved, how do you feel?”

“Silverspear, Silverspear, Silverspear…”

Alright then, Harloys’ Gold Elf clone was laughing loudly at some joke that Sartis Silverspear had just told her, yet the real Harloys on my shoulder was constantly gnashing her teeth while uttering the word Silverspear. It would seem that she was doing her utmost to restrain herself from doing something to this Silverspear Family member. Regardless, it would seem that this young leader from the Silverspear Family would be receiving much bullying from Elven Empress Harloys in the future.

Finally, the issue of the moon elf leader was the most troublesome.

As of now, they had yet to decide their leader. The three Northlands moon elf kingdoms were unable to come to an accord. Meanwhile, Suana, the moon elf most closely connected to us, adamantly refused my request to become the moon elf leader.

“I am now undead. I should not be taking a position of authority meant for the living. Since my species will now survive the upcoming calamity, I also intend on saying farewell to Your Highness.”

However, the issue was that only three of the original four moon elf kingdoms in the Northlands now remained. Originally, the moon elves had only unwillingly joined the Mist Alliance because they had been forced to by the situation. The moon elves’ political situation was incredibly complex. For the sake of mutual trust, Suana was the only candidate that both the moon elf kingdoms and I could accept as she wasn’t from any of the three moon elf kingdoms.

“No, please don’t leave! If you leave, whom will we find to take the blame and be the mediator? It’s not easy to find someone willing to listen to angry people from all sides…”

But after much consideration, I said something that attracted everyone’s attention. Or, more accurately, I scared everyone witless who heard it.

“Suana, would you like to come back to life? I can accomplish that for you.”