The Empress’ Livestream

The chest of the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect heaved violently, sweat trickling down his fat face making him look greasy, as if one’s hand would be covered in oil if one was to reach out and touch him.

“How, how dare you — Surely I would never harm your lord, the district magistrate?” Having been terrified badly by the two rows of soldiers, the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect was extremely insecure at the moment. With the guards flanking him taken down and their weapons confiscated, he felt like a salted fish breathing difficultly on a cutting board, flapping his tail and trying to escape. He sweated even more profusely.

Dian Yan said with a smile, “Of course I’m not worried. Deputy, based on your abilities, who are you capable of harming?”

The Inspection Deputy of the Prefect was silent for a moment, and he felt that he had been looked down upon. Although Dian Yan believes that I will not hurt Jiang Pengji, why do his words sound rather contemptuous?

A salted fish is just a salted fish after all. Other than struggling weakly a few times, what more can it do? Dian Yan reached out and gestured for the deputy to enter the district headquarters. “This way please, deputy, my lord has been waiting for you in the main hall for quite a while.”

The Inspection Deputy of the Prefect swallowed nervously. The inner layer of his shirt was wet with sweat and stuck to his skin, making him feel very uncomfortable. Walking on his elephantine legs, the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect followed Dian Yan and entered the district headquarters.

The deputy thought that since Xiangyang District was so prosperous, the district headquarters would be extremely extravagant and luxurious, but in fact it was not so.

Had Dian Yan not told him that the building was the district headquarters, he would have suspected that he had accidentally entered the home of a noble family in decline. The courtyard had no fake mountain or flowering plants, let alone gazebos, terraces, waterside pavilions, or artificial scenery. It was just an empty clearing, with several laundry racks made of bamboo beside it.

They passed through the courtyard and walked a few more steps forward. After making their way past the screen made of stone, the main hall was in sight, and the door was wide open. The Inspection Deputy of the Prefect squinted, trying to see what was going on in the main hall more clearly.

Jiang Pengji had been waiting in the main hall for some time, while secretly chatting with the audience on the livestream channel, trying to guess what the deputy looked like.

When Dian Yan brought the deputy over, the audience of the livestream all wailed in discontentment. They complained that they were going blind from looking at the deputy and demanded that Jiang Pengji show them some good-looking people as eyebleach.

The Inspection Deputy of the Prefect was neatly dressed in formal wear, but due to the hot weather, drops of sweat continuously emerged on his forehead and cheeks, as well as his neck which was covered in fat. Furthermore, he had sat in a carriage for a long time and the hem of his clothes was creased. His collar was slightly crooked as well. As a result, he looked very bad.

The audience in the livestream channel was used to seeing various types of handsome men of the ancient times, so when they were suddenly shown a man like the deputy, they all complained that they were going blind from his ugliness.

Tumi Fei: “Streamer, are you sure that you have not gone to the wrong movie set? How did the actor from Pigsy end up here?”

Mr. Cat Demon: “Hahaha — The previous commenter, is it really good to throw shade on Pigsy like this? Before accidentally reincarnating as a pig, Pigsy was the mighty Marshal Tian Peng after all, not a pigman, okay? The deputy is like a pig demon masquerading as a human, and if he really was cast as Pigsy who has wrongly reincarnated as a pig, he wouldn’t even need to wear props like a pig’s head and a fake big belly. With his large head and fat belly, he just needs to put on a natural performance and he will literally be Pigsy reincarnated…”

Cloud Patterns on the Jewelry Box: “Phew — What a relief to finally see an ugly man from the ancient times. While following the livestream, I’ve found that the streamer has almost zero ugly-looking subordinates. It has led me to believe that ancient genes were better and modern genes have deteriorated. I’m reassured that this is not the case after looking at the deputy.”

Laugh for Three Days: “I’m unlike you shallow mortals who judge others by their looks. Just like the streamer, I am more concerned about inner beauty, and I would never make fun of this guy just because he looks like a pig — F*ck, who is blocking my way, don’t you see that there’s a pig here, don’t you try to snatch my butcher’s knife away!”

Guicai Guofengxiao: “#Despise, the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect has low rank but great power. In ancient times, it was a highly desired position. Those who can remain for a long time in the position are generally not simple-minded fools. Guys, just take a look at the current situation in Dongqing, then look at the size and weight of the deputy, do you really think that he is simple-minded?”

Zhuge Liang the Prime Minister: “He is not simple-minded but as the saying goes, ‘With brute force, a strong man can defeat 10 weaker men who are learned in the martial arts.’ Surely the deputy can’t scam the streamer into handing over the three districts no matter how manipulative he is? If he does nothing, he can still keep his life, but if he seeks trouble, even the Buddha can’t save him.”

Seeing the audience of the livestream chatting and making jokes actually improved Jiang Pengji’s mood a lot, and even the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect seemed less unpleasing to the eye.

The deputy strode into the main hall. He saw a handsome young man no more than 16 or 17 years old on the seat of honor. The young man’s eyebrows extended all the way to the sides of his head, and his lips were red as blood. The youthful face was full of the vitality that belongs exclusively to the young. He had a slightly positive canthal tilt, and his moderately thick lips were tightly pressed together, exerting an inexplicable pressure on the deputy.

Had the deputy been facing any other youngster, he would have already have put on airs a long time ago. But after Dian Yan threatened him, he was feeling rather cowardly.

After exchanging greetings, Jiang Pengji’s attitude towards him was lukewarm. The Inspection Deputy of the Prefect plastered a fake smile on his face and complimented the district magistrate to liven up the atmosphere. Unfortunately for him, Jiang Pengji was neither enticed by the carrot nor browbeaten by the stick, and her attitude did not soften at all.

However, although her demeanor was cold, she was not outright aggressive, and it made the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect feel slightly calmer.

He remembered what he came here for, and asked seriously and sternly, “Magistrate Liu, I heard that you have disregarded the law of the nation and deployed private soldiers to occupy the three districts?”

According to the deputy’s plan, Jiang Pengji would deny the accusation in fear and trepidation and both parties would argue back and forth. The deputy would then take the opportunity to reap some benefits for himself, intimidate the young district magistrate, sternly explain the ideas of justice and righteousness, accept some bribes, then betray Liu Xi and report him to the county chief.

That way, not only can I con Liu Xi into bribing me, but I can also take credit for it in front of the county chief. I can kill two birds with one stone, isn’t it just great?

However —

Jiang Pengji nodded super honestly and said, “Yup, do you have any questions about it?”

The brain of the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect failed to process what had just happened and he thought that she had denied the accusation. He subconsciously replied, “Worry not, Magistrate Liu. I have been ordered to inspect Xiangyang District. If it is just an unfounded rumor spread by outsiders, I will definitely report the truth to the county chief impartially, and inform him that you did not deploy private soldiers — What?”

He had been talking for quite a while before finally realizing that something was wrong.

Jiang Pengji smiled and said, “I did in fact deploy private troops to take over the other three districts. Deputy, do you have any other questions?”

The obese face of the Inspection Deputy of the Prefect trembled and blood slowly drained from his pale greasy skin. An unprecedented sense of crisis awareness overwhelmed him.

“This, this is not in accordance with…” His voice trembled as he said, “Magistrate Liu, are you rebelling against the throne?”

Jiang Pengji avoided the question and asked back, “One can eat irresponsibly, but not speak irresponsibly. You claim that I have rebelled but do you have any evidence?”

The Inspection Deputy of the Prefect had thought about various situations, but he had never thought about how he should handle a situation where Jiang Pengji was behaving shamelessly.

He forced himself to carry on and asked, “Is the occupation of the three districts not obvious evidence?”

The onlookers in the livestream channel could sense that the deputy was at his wit’s end and they were enjoying the show.

Guicai Guofengxiao: “I think that in the script the deputy has come up with, the streamer would have responded with fear and trepidation, instead of countering his points so boldly and straightforwardly. Ah, I’m troubled, Magistrate Liu doesn’t respond according to my script, how should I carry on with my act — From the deputy suffering in silence.”

Akatelisi: “The deputy was probably trying to con the streamer as he wants bribes.”

Jiang Pengji chuckled, “The county chief did nothing and let the Tsing Yi Army capture the four districts of Fengyi County. Can I accuse the county chief of colluding with the Tsing Yi Army and betraying the nation?”

The Inspection Deputy of Prefect was speechless.