Slow Prison Life

The Prince Thinks about Evolution

Haley is a monkey.

To be clear, monkeys can be a little bothersome.

Monkeys have to understand the strength of their herd and the types of fruit available to them.

If they can’t figure out who is above and below them, they won’t be able to understand their place in the pack which can cause chaos.

It’s very important that a monkey knows just who is in charge.

And for the record, Haley like bananas more than apples. Persimmons are best when they’re harder and ripe.

Prince Elliott had once again visited the prison where his former fiancee had been secluded to in order to kill some boredom by berating her……….but before he started, a question popped up in his mind.

“Oi Rachel. I’m a little curious about something.”

“What’s that?”

“This monkey, why does he always climb up to a high place and start acting cocky whenever I come visit here.”

“Isn’t it because he’s satisfied with where he is in life?”

“That guy’s definitely doing it out of malice, and for some reason I feel like he’s treating me like I’m an idiot.”

Rachel took a sip of her tea and turned the page of her book, not paying Elliott’s grumblings any mind as he stared down a monkey.

“Oi, are you listening to me?”

“I’m listening”

The Prince was being noisy. Unable to enjoy her book in peace, Rachel raised her face clearly already bored.

“That’s right……..they say you see yourself when looking into the pure eyes of an animal. So if you think he’s acting maliciously towards you, then perhaps Your Highness thinks that you yourself are deserving of such an attitude.”

Rachel tried giving a sarcastic reply, but Elliott was a man who never doubted himself and readily spat back.

“As if I’d believe that! Hey monkey, get down here for a bit!”

Rachel’s monkey accepted Elliott’s challenge and started climbing down the prison bars. When he reached Elliott’s height, Haley stopped and stared directly into the Prince’s eyes.

“What do I have to feel guilty about! Look, look into these gloomless eyes! Well monkey, do you understand now!?”

“What are you trying to get a monkey to understand………….?”

Elliott continued to stare seriously into the eyes of this monkey, irreverent of the Rachel who was so amazed by what she was seeing that she had finally closed the book she was reading.

It was unclear whether or not he truly knew what this human was saying. But Haley continued staring into Elliott’s eyes…………until the next moment the little monkey made a small laugh and climbed down off the bars completely. As if he had lost all interest, Haley turned around, climbing up the tea table and sitting down on the bed……………before sticking his butt out towards the Prince.

Elliott had forgotten to breath when he had seen how this monkey was treating him, but that breath returned along with the rest of his sense.

“…………..YYYYYYYOOOOoooooOOOOOoooooUUUUUuuUUUuuuuUUUU!? Hey, that’s some attitude for a beast like you to have! Oi, are you listening to me!? Get out here and face your death like a man!”

The shouting continued……….but no matter how long Elliott went on for, the monkey never replied back or did anything in response. Finally understanding the monkey really wasn’t paying attention to him, the Prince quit banging on the prison bars and rounded on the animal’s owner.

“Oi Rachel! Isn’t this enough evidence that this guy is clearly acting spiteful!?”

“Your Highness is much too distrustful. It’s all in your head. All ⋅ in ⋅ your ⋅ head.”

“I don’t think this is on the level where you can just say it’s my imagination!? You take a look too! Now! This monkey is obviously acting discourteously!”

“Discourteous……….Haley is a very well-behaved monkey though? Haley, come here”

“Ooki”

The monkey gave a proper response when Rachel called for him. He walked across the bed and knelt before his master. When Rachel held out her hand, Haley took hold of her index finger and kissed the tip of her finger.

“Well how about it? Aren’t his manners perfect?”

“Tch………monkey, look over here!”

But no matter how much Elliott shouted or motioned his arms for the monkey to come over, Haley merely yawned and ignored him.

“Oi, hey you! Don’t ignore the Prince!”

I should try scolding him………Haley thought for but a second before using his arms as a pillow and lying down like he was going to take a nap on the tea table. In the end the Prince had been completely ignored.

“Damnnnnnnn………….”

Having seen all of this go down from behind him, Wolanski tried giving Elliott some advice as the Prince ground his teeth in vexation.

“Your Highness, this monkey doesn’t have any kind of master-servant relationship with you right now. No matter what Your Highness says, the monkey is probably thinking that it doesn’t have anything to do with him.”

“Hmph, I see.”

“Miss Rachel is the one who feeds him, so of course the monkey is going to recognize her as his master. If you don’t give him anything yourself, then the monkey won’t be able to recognize Your Highness’s value.”

“Hmm, yeah………..oi monkey, have this!”

Elliott pulled out a silver coin from his (or rather Wolanski’s) pocket and slid it through the cell’s iron bars. This time Haley’s interest was caught, and he quickly ran over. When he picked up the silver coin, he rubbed it between his fingers and held it up towards the sun to see how the light gleaned off of it. He seemed to really recognize the value of what he had just been given and started jumping around happily.

Haley turned towards Elliott,

“Ooki!”

and the monkey gave the Prince a two finger salute before taking the bounty to his treasure chest where he kept the rest of the coins he had gotten.

That was all.

“…………………Light!?”

Elliott was stunned for a moment before rearing on Rachel who was busy looking for a new book to read.

“Oi Rachel, aren’t you letting this monkey live too luxuriously!? I just gave him a silver coin, yet he gives me such a thin reaction!”

“What did you expect giving coins to a monkey that doesn’t understand the value of money?”

“Guh…………!”

While Elliott was at a loss for words, Wolanski kept an interested eye on the monkey as he put away his new coin.

“This guy, I wonder what he’d do if Miss Rachel were the one to give him a coin.”

“Huh? Right……..”

For some reason the Prince’s line of sight along with that of his followers all fell on Rachel.

“………..I do not believe anything interesting would happen.”

Having attracted everyone’s attention, Rachel shrugged her shoulders in defeat and called Haley over again.

“Haley, let me give you some pocket money.”

“Ooki!?”

Whether he knew what the term ‘pocket money’ really meant or not, Haley raised his head from his treasure chest and happily rushed over to Rachel. Perhaps he was thinking she was about to give him a snack.

What would happen if a monkey, thinking it was about to get some food, got a metal coin instead………

Elliott and the others watched on in anticipation.

“Here, Haley”

Rachel handed over a copper coin. After receiving the money, Haley carefully looked over the front and back.

“Ookii!”

He bounced up and down a few times in joy before running back to his treasure chest with another new coin. But this time he came back to Rachel just as quickly while carrying a small cloth bag. He climbed back on top of the tea table and turned the bag over, emptying the contents in front of Rachel.

Twelve copper coins clattered out.

“Ooki! Ooki!”

The monkey gathered up the coins into his hands, and Rachel quickly realized what he wanted as he held the coins up above his head.

“Oh, are you looking to exchange your twelve copper coins for a silver one? Here you go Haley.”

“Ooki!”

The monkey was quite pleased to have gotten another silver coin. He quickly brought this new silver coin back to his treasure chest as well.

In the now silent space where only the footsteps of a monkey resonated, one man took two deep breaths.

“…………Doesn’t he absolutely understand the value of money!?”

Elliott screamed.

“This monkey son of a bitch, making a fool out of me………..!”

The monkey was carefreely grooming himself as Elliott continued grinding his teeth in anger. For the record, Elliott was most assuredly not above trying to threaten a small animal, and he had already trying stabbing the monkey by shoving his saber inbetween the cell bars………but the monkey was relaxing far enough inside that the edge of the blade couldn’t reach him. The moment Elliott realized his blade wasn’t going to reach just so happened to be the same moment he learned how unusual a monkey’s laugh sounded………….

“Hey Wolanski. Why is it that this monkey’s behavior always seems so close to human whenever he’s giving me a bad attitude?”

“How about we do a little research and find out?”

“I’ll reincarnate into a scholar in my next life.”

“We have time right now.”

“I hate studying.”

The third son of a count standing behind Wolanski suddenly craned his neck forward.

“This monkey, why is it always His Highness that he looks down upon? He treats everyone else pretty normally with the exception of Miss Rachel.”

“Now that you mention it, his attitude is the worst with His Highness.”

The other men started to rustle.

The correct answer here is that Haley has caused problems for others before, it’s just that nobody has seen the results………..but it’s not like Elliott knew that.

So looking to have a little fun, Rachel looked over and gave Elliott a small, pitiable glance.

“They say that monkeys judge a person by the dignity they carry………..since Your Highness is always kicking and screaming like an idiot, perhaps he thought you were the most insignificant member of the group………….?”

It was just a light provocation that the duke’s daughter gave out without even looking up from her book, but it caused the greatest of all princes (self proclaimed) to explode.

“I’m the least dignified…………!? I am the picture of grace whenever I’m not in a place like this! I am the first prince! And I will not be talked about behind my back by a monkey!”

He hasn’t yet realized that he lost all dignity when he started competing with a monkey. That is the first prince, Elliott.

“Haley spends all of his time in the dungeon though. So if he only ever sees His Highness when he’s here……….”

“…………..what is it?”

“Please don’t make me say it out loud.”

“Ku, you…………..”

Rachel trying to be considerate was annoying in its own right! Of course Elliott was on the verge of blowing up!

“Well……….thanks to Haley being a knight as well as a monkey, he might be a little more courteous than other monkeys.”

The detestable former fiancee gave an implied, “Your manners are on the level of a monkey?” forcing Elliott to erupt in a somewhat strange direction.

“Damn, I’ll teach this monkey how a real knight show his thanks! Are you watching carefully!? All right, Margaret!”

“She didn’t come with us today………..”

“Oh yeah!”

Perhaps it’s because these men tend to crash right at the starting line that a monkey has started looking down on them.

The monkey was watching Elliott with immense curiosity after the man had frozen completely still upon declaring he would set an example. The complete opposite of how he was ignoring him before.

Elliott couldn’t just back out now even though he really wanted to, so Rachel threw him a small lifeline.

“Margaret may not have come, but as for Wolanski…………he has long hair.”

“When did I suddenly become a woman!?”

The Marquis’s son shrunk back as the Prince’s gaze inevitably fell on him.

“Wolanski, we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good………..you can take Margaret’s place for a bit! You need to stand up for my honor against this monkey!”

“Your Highness, please spare me! And also, that”

Wolanski pointed back towards the prison cell.

“why is it that Miss Rachel is giving us such a passionate look, and why do I find it so uncomfortable…………….?”

“No please go on, this is just in time for the next book!”

“What are you talking about!?”

Wolanski and all the other men declined on participating………….so, when it came to needing a woman, there was just one…………..

“Fine, it can’t be helped at this point! I really don’t want to do this, and it’s going to be super weird………..Rachel, be thankful for this honor I am bestowing upon you! It’s something your descendants can boast about!”

“I, am supposed to stay in this jail cell until the day I die or am executed though right?”

“Quit complaining! This monkey needs to be shown something proper!”

“I’m pretty sure there’s no dignity to be had putting on this exhaustive play for the sake of a monkey………..but it can’t be helped. Although I am reluctant to do this as well.”

Rachel approached the bars to her cell. Elliott knelt down as smoothly as water flowing through a brook in front of the monkey’s eyes, and held out his hand………….allowing Rachel to shove her foot into the palm of his hand.

“Now lick my shoe.”

After coming to understand what had just happened, Elliott’s subsequent storm of rage should need no explanation.

After the high-pitched ringing that came from a set of prison bars being uselessly slashed at by a saber had completed, Wolanski was able to pacify his lord.

Meanwhile the Duke’s daughter who happens to be better at lighting conflict than any kind of match chortled from the safety of her cell.

“No pardon my rudeness. For some reason I suddenly got this overwhelming feeling of nausea and I unconsciously put my foot out.”

“Now that I think about it, aren’t you far more rude than that monkey of yours!? You’ve been reading that book even though your prince is here! And then in the end you tell me to ‘lick your shoe’!? And now you’re saying you did all this unintentionally!?”

“There was no ill will behind it? It was unintentional.”

“There was nothing there besides ill will!”

As Elliott continued yapping on, one of his followers behind him suddenly noticed something.

“Huh? …………..’Lick my shoe’, but Miss Rachel isn’t wearing any shoes to begin with……..”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Rachel’s feet at the man’s words.

Rachel had been lounging around on her bed until now, and when she came over, she had only slipped on a pair of sandals. So nothing was really covering her feet.

Realizing this fact, Rachel’s cheeks blushed and she started getting all bashful.

“Oh no I didn’t notice……..to think I gave His Highness the exceptional reward of my bare feet”

The second round of Elliott vs. the prison bars quickly commenced.

Haley watched all these humans make all this noise with a sense of crisis.

For some reason these men were being a lot louder than usual. It also looked like they were fighting.

It might be the case that the blonde idiot was trying to challenge his master to a fight over the position of boss.

Whatever the case, there’s no way that the blonde idiot would be able to win over his master, but if things got too serious, there’s always the chance that his master might get injured.

With things as they are, Haley would have to try and diffuse the situation as the sub-leader of the group.

“Ooki!”

The monkey’s cry cut through the other noise, calming down Elliott and his hanger-ons. Everyone’s eyes unconsciously turned towards Haley as he climbed up onto the tea table with piece of violet cloth in his hand.

“……….what?”

Everyone paid extra attention as the little white monkey began unfolding the cloth. It was shaped like a triangle and looked like a pair of briefs……..no, that’s exactly what they were everyone realized as Haley started sticking his legs through the spread out cloth. No matter how you looked at them, they were definitely a pair of violet boomerang underwear.

Once they were all the way on, the monkey stood back up straight on the table.

“Ooki!”

Elliott’s group started getting noisy together all at once.

“Un………..the monkey’s wearing underwear!?”

“The monkey is wearing underwear!”

“Why!? Wearing a piece of clothing like this, it almost looks like the monkey has started evolving!”

“Are we witnessing the birth of a new species of humans……….!?”

While the rest of his friends were getting themselves worked up, Wolanski was just a little confused.

“Hm? This figure, I feel like I’ve seen it somewhere before……….”

“Ookii!”

Ignoring his bewildered surroundings, the monkey started to dance. His hips kept rhythmically moving back and forth as his back continued twisting this way and that in a crazy dance. Seeing the monkey’s moves, a sudden realization struck Wolanski and he clapped his hands together.

“Ah, he’s mimicking Adam Stuart!”

Hearing that, Rachel started patting Haley’s head as he continued to dance.

“Haley, did you remember how happy and excited everyone got when Adam was dancing? So now you’re trying to relieve some of this tense atmosphere………good boy, good boy.”

“Ooki!”

The longer you watch, the more you realize that he’s performing quite the rhythmic dance without any music to back him up. Some members of Haley’s audience got caught up in the act and even began cheering.

However……..

Currently standing next to the prince, Wolanski was too scared to look at his lord. After all, this monkey was currently imitating Adam Stuart, the man who had captivated their goddess Margaret just a few days ago………..with this exact dance!

Considering that Elliott had fallen completely silent, probably stimulated into thinking this or that as the dance went on, there was no way Wolanski could laugh at this monkey’s show.

Whether or not he was aware of the audience’s feelings or not, Haley’s dance was reaching its climax. When Rachel spread out a towel in front of him to act as a makeshift partition and hide his lower half, Haley continued to dance while taking off his underwear. He started swinging the underwear in the air just as he had seen the human do before releasing it into the crowd………….the small piece of violet cloth flew through the air, slipping through the iron bars and landing right on the Prince’s head.

“Wow Your Highness, you sure are a lucky one! You caught it the same way Margaret did!”

Rachel’s tone was innocent despite her words being loaded with venom……….but Elliott remained silent as he slowly pulled off Haley’s little ‘special service’ from off of his head

“This monkey has evolved too much!”

until he suddenly started screaming and threw the underwear onto the ground.