Seizing Dreams

Yu Hao said, “I’ll go to the company to pick him up.”

“Okay.” Huang Ting said, “Go then. After some time passes, if the research is fruitless, I may take you there to take a look…Golden Crow Wheel, that’s what you call it, right?”

Yu Hao said, “You should look for Zhou Sheng directly. I can’t activate the Golden Crow Wheel either.”

Huang Ting answered, “The conclusion obtained from talking to Zhou Sheng is far less simple than communicating with you alone. If you want to protect him, taking this route is obviously the safest.”

Huang Ting changed into a down windbreaker. It was already very cold outside. When he got on his bike, he coughed twice, then handed Yu Hao a helmet.

“You have to believe,” Huang Ting said, “that the one who doesn’t want you guys to encounter any danger is me. I just hope everything is still under control right now.”

“Last question.” Yu Hao took the helmet and asked Huang Ting, “What’s in the small fridge in your room?”

The snowy Beijing was quiet, with water dripping from icicles. In the darkness, Huang Ting bowed down, put on his gloves, mounted his motorcycle, and didn’t look at Yu Hao. Yu Hao held his helmet and stood on the roadside like a sculpture.

“You’ve grown up, Yu Hao.” Huang Ting finished putting on his gloves and looked up at Yu Hao. He said, “I still remember the day I had coffee with Xiao Jun and you guys.”

“Is it some kind of medicine?” Yu Hao said, “Injection? Huang Ting, are you alright?”

“Get on.” Huang Ting said.

The motorcycle drove into the downtown area, when the lamps were starting to get lit.

“Why?” Yu Hao said while waiting at a red light.

Huang Ting turned sideways to look at Yu Hao. Yu Hao asked, puzzled, “Is this your project?”

Huang Ting nodded.

Yu Hao, “It started from you? I mean, because you brought up the case.”

Huang Ting recalled a little, then shook his head.

Yu Hao, “Is there some kind of meaning for you to devote yourself to investigate these details thoroughly?”

“Truth.” Huang Ting said in a low voice, “I want to know the truth. I don’t know if you can understand that.”

“I can.” In a certain sense, Yu Hao could understand how Huang Ting thought.

“You’re not a bad person.” In the end, Yu Hao said this to Huang Ting outside his company.

“There’s still a difference between ‘not a bad person’ and ‘a good person’.” After Huang Ting said this, he adjusted his helmet and said, “I’m leaving! Help me say hello to Xiao Fu.”

The engine started up, Huang Ting drove onto the main road and left.

Yu Hao immediately opened up his backpack, took his laptop out and turned three steps into two as he rushed into the office. Sure enough, Jin Weicheng was still on duty. He and Fu Liqun both had a small bottle of Erguotou each, facing the heater as they chatted and drank.

Fu Liqun had just gotten up when Yu Hao immediately said, “Give me another half an hour, you guys can continue.”

Yu Hao quickly sat at his desk, opened up his laptop, turned off the WIFi, and searched for an adapter from a drawer. He went online, opened up a repository, and started searching. He didn’t want to search for anything related to the Golden Crow Wheel online at home since he was afraid that his network was being monitored. At the same time, he took a post-it note, took the cap off his pen, and wrote down the first keywords ‘interconnection of the collective unconscious‘, then began his search.

This was one of the keywords of the English research report on the second page of the PPT.

The conversation between Jin Weicheng and Fu Liqun travelled to his ears. The content of the repository popped up on his webpage. Yu Hao had studied Jung’s psychological theories in college; trauma, persona, anima and animus…These were all content that he had learnt before. Among them was the keyword ‘self’ that Yu Hao had specifically done a search through the literature for the opening report of his graduation thesis.

“So you have a very heavy responsibility.” Jin Weicheng said to Fu Liqun, “That’s how men live. Society is harsh on both women and men alike. You have to assume responsibility and can’t even talk about it, there’s no other way…”

Fu Liqun drank a bit of wine, “What next?”

“Cremation.” Jin Weicheng answered, “Only cremation remains. Now that I think about it, if I hadn’t nodded at the start, she wouldn’t have considered getting pregnant…”

Yu Hao looked up at Jin Weicheng and Fu Liqun, writing down the second paragraph from memory.

Fu Liqun looked outside and said, “It’s snowing again. Yu Hao, are you cold?”

“I’m not.” Yu Hao said, “Should I leave?”

“It’s okay.” Jin Weicheng said.

On this snowy night, Jin Weicheng and Fu Liqun drank in front of the heater. Yu Hao was extremely astonished. Tonight was the first time Jin Weicheng and Fu Liqun met, yet they actually started chatting about the past.

As he searched through the literature, he roughly deduced from their intermittent conversations— in the past, Jin Weicheng was one of the rare few who had gone to college. In that era where worker occupations were regarded highly, he was in charge of CNC (computer numerical control) in a steel mill, had married a beautiful wife, and could even play basketball well. He could have been considered an influential figure in that small world of his.

He has a very cute daughter, and he even took a photo out for Fu Liqun to see, and one could tell how proud he was of her from his words. However, having just one child always made one feel like something was missing. His wife had accidentally gotten pregnant again, and she wanted to give birth to the second child. At that time, family planning was under strict regulation. Jin Weicheng considered it for a long time and finally nodded for some strange reason.

This decision brought about a dramatic change in their life afterwards. His wife went back to the countryside to hide and prepare to give birth to the child, but when she was eight-months pregnant, she was taken away by people from the family planning office and was given an abortion injection. After the abortion, she lost a lot of blood and died as a result. Jin Weicheng lost his job as well, and his daughter hated her father because of her mother’s death and lived in her grandmother’s house.

“How many great and lofty ambitions do you have?” Jin Weicheng sighed, “When you’re young, you’ll want to be an influential figure who can command the wind and clouds; these ideals and these goals will all change along with the birth of your first child. In your life, your children will become a part of your new future.”

Fu Liqun remained silent. Jin Weicheng said, “So it’s not easy as a father sometimes too. You have to understand your father-in-law. He did that because he doesn’t know how to express himself. In Eastern cultures, men — especially fathers — are always wearing masks, and they’re always reminding themselves that ‘I am a father’.”

Yu Hao asked, “Then what about Jin Laoshi’s daughter?”

“She studied abroad.” Jin Weicheng said, “After saving up a bit more money for her dowry, I won’t make the rounds anymore. Being an investigative reporter is tiring too, and I can’t compare to youngsters like you guys.”

Fu Liqun said, “Actually, there are many times when children hope to communicate properly with their parents. Sitting down properly to have a good chat would also be pretty good ba.”

Yu Hao downloaded the documents and papers one by one. Jin Weicheng answered, “Can’t let it go. There’s a wall between our hearts; I can’t let it go, and she can’t either, so just let it be like this ba. This isn’t something that we can let go of so easily; we’ve become estranged. Just like what the Buddhists say, we might have a moment of enlightenment someday.”

Yu Hao closed his laptop. On this quiet, snowy night, he didn’t know why but what he remembered most clearly was Huang Ting’s back on the motorcycle. Zhou Sheng had drove him before on a bike, and Huang Ting had driven him too; what he felt with Zhou Sheng was his heart palpitating and the feeling of love, but on the back seat of Huang Ting’s motorcycle, the feeling he got was more direct and more impactful as well.

What kind of emotion was that? Just like the moment when Jin Weicheng lifted the Erguotou’s bottle to his lips and looked out the window to see the snow outside.

It was a very, very deep feeling of loneliness. It was a loneliness that could draw everyone out of a clamorous environment, a loneliness that could draw one out from this grand world. At this moment, they were physically present in the world, yet they had dissociated from it as well. Countless scenes and sounds turned distant at once; between heaven and earth, only lonely individuals remained, just like a small boat drifting along a boundless ocean that could never reach the shore.

Stars that had flooded the sky were hidden now, and the sun was late to rise. Yu Hao recalled that before the end of summer, he had sat side by side with Ou Qihang on the bench at his college, chatting with smiles on their faces.

Huang Ting made a turn at a cross road, and an SUV stopped in front of him. He looked back; another SUV appeared behind him as well. Two cars blocked the two ends of the road, and someone got out of the car.

“I’ve already handed it in.” Huang Ting answered, “There’s no use in looking for me. Zhao Laoshi should go back ba.”

“Never mind.” Zhao Liang said, “If you hadn’t met Yu Hao today, I wouldn’t have especially made a trip here. The one who can’t hold back from making a move first is the one who loses. That’s what you said at that time, remember?”

Huang Ting twisted the handle of his motorcycle several times, emitting the ‘vroom vroom‘ sounds of an idle engine.

Zhao Liang said, “Although I’ve left the investigation team, I do still have a bit of power. Xiao Huang, don’t do anything silly.”

Through his helmet, Huang Ting looked at the car behind him reflected on his rearview mirror. Zhao Liang said, “I’ll just ask you a few questions. You’re Brother Ren’s favourite student, so it’s not like I’ll lock you up. There are some things I want to show you too.”

Huang Ting abandoned his plan to fight in the end. He took off his helmet and got off. Someone from in front of the SUV came over immediately and rode his motorcycle away. Zhao Liang motioned for Huang Ting to get on first, then the driver drove the car away.

—

Juurensha: I hope Huang Ting will be okay….