Seizing Dreams

And now they really did start arguing! The two male gods are debating?!

“No matter what the understanding of people themselves is,” Lin Ze said, “from the perspective of the ultimate goal of our survival, it’s all the same. Let’s not talk about nihilism, isn’t it just seeking freedom? Drink.”

Chen Yekai had to drink. He put his elbow on the dining table and said, “Then do you think we’re free now?”

“At this moment,” Lin Ze said, “I’m free. Because I have no strong desires, my free will isn’t bound by desire.”

Chen Yekai, “So, wouldn’t this lead us back to our original question? We just keep suppressing ourselves because we know that life is bitterly short. Whatever we can’t get, we pretend we don’t want. But in reality, a lot of thoughts are like beasts that still know how to navigate — after you chase them away, they still know where your house is, and they will still return one night, right? You have to tame them.”

Lin Ze stopped talking. Chen Yekai pointed at a wine glass, and it was Lin Ze’s turn to drink now.

“Only then, can one’s innermost self and personality be integrated,” Chen Yekai said, “And obtain true freedom.”

Everyone was eating hot pot as they listened to their debate, and no one interrupted at the moment.

Lin Ze said, “All activities on the surface are just illusions that make us feel free.”

Chen Yekai, “……”

Lin Ze turned the tables, and pointed at a glass.

It was Chen Yekai’s turn to drink. Chen Yekai took a sip of wine. Zhou Sheng poured wine for them both. Chen Yekai was suddenly inspired by Lin Ze’s words, “He denies the existence of free will, but do you think you have free will? You acknowledge him, so acknowledge that people’s desires will never be satisfied. Desires that have been fulfilled will be replaced by unfulfilled desires. Acknowledging that happiness is only satisfying because of a momentary relief from pain means that you no longer believe in idealism.”

After he said this, Chen Yekai raised an eyebrow at Lin Ze expectantly.

Lin Ze said, “I don’t entirely agree with his point of view, he even promotes asceticism.”

Chen Yekai, “But according to your logic, that is the case.”

Still, Lin Ze had to admit that Chen Yekai’s logical counterattack had struck a weak point, so he drank.

Only then did Yu Hao understand. Lin Ze had used Schopenhauer’s argument to refute Chen Yekai, but Chen Yekai caught a loophole in his argument.

Lin Ze, “I just think that many goals and ideals can be changed. Before starting a family, you have certain ideals, and after starting a family, you have different ideals. This depends on the circumstances in your life; it’s the same reasoning behind the pursuit of satisfying one’s desires.”

Chen Yekai said, “But some things exist purely because of one’s natural instincts, it will never change from the first time you come into contact with it until the day you die.”

Lin Ze, “For example?”

Chen Yekai didn’t say anything. Zhou Sheng laughed, and when he was about to clink glasses with them, Lin Ze said after not getting an answer, “For me, ideals are like train stations. Passing by stop after stop, I don’t need to think about my destination.”

Yu Hao thought, yes! That’s so well said!

“For me……” Chen Yekai pondered about it, and stopped debating.

“……it is the Polaris in the city.” Chen Yekai said, “Living in a bustling downtown, the light from the lamps will cover up its radiance. But it’s always in the sky, it’s just that we can’t see it.

Only when I’m alone on a journey and wandering through the wilderness at night, would it then show me the way.”

Yu Hao thought, what the fuck, seems like Chen Yekai’s a little more amazing.

“Drink.” Chen Yekai snapped out of his daze, and everyone made a toast.

The atmosphere suddenly became a little heavy and silent. Situ Ye knocked on a glass with chopsticks, “Let’s sing?”

Yu Hao said, “Okay!”

“Wait!” Ou Qihang said, “Let’s see what they’ll sing on the countdown party first!”

Ou Qihang picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. There were quite a few popular songs in it this year. As soon as the party started, everyone could watch it and while their time away singing along like lunatics. Not long after, Yu Hao gathered up the dishes, and Ou Qihang helped him wash them. Zhou Sheng cut up some fruit, which he took out for everyone to eat. He sat down to watch the party with Situ Ye, while Lin Ze and Chen Yekai took the unfinished wine to the bookshelf in front of the huge landing windows, where they sat on a soft sofa to chat.

“I thought you would bring your boyfriend over.” Yu Hao said to Ou Qihang.

Ou Qihang was wearing Zhou Sheng’s apron as he washed dishes obediently. He looked at Yu Hao and smiled.

“I don’t have one.” Ou Qihang said, “And didn’t hook up with anyone either.”

Yu Hao said, “You’re not dating anyone?”

Ou Qihang said, “One of my juniors likes me, I’m still considering. I don’t really feel anything.”

Yu Hao said, “Respond to him if you like him, but if you don’t like him, then reject him seriously.”

Ou Qihang wiped the plates and said seriously, “Like how you rejected me at the start?”

Yu Hao smiled, “Yes.”

Ou Qihang looked into the distance, “Has Uncle Kai had a really unforgettable love before?”

Yu Hao said, “You should ask him yourself, I don’t know.” He was suddenly a little curious, “Why do you call him ‘Uncle Kai’ now? Did you guys meet in Beijing?”

Ou Qihang said, “Yeah, but he would only come out once in awhile when I went to find him. He has never taken the initiative to come find me.”

Yu Hao immediately thought that there was something strange. Chen Yekai was rather difficult to invite out. He would prefer reading at home alone in his spare time and wouldn’t talk on the phone if it was something that could be said through WeChat texts, and if it was something that could be said through the phone, he wouldn’t meet up in person. Basically, after he arrived at the college here, only Yu Hao could invite him out. No one else had been able to call Chen Yekai out.

He kind of wanted to ask Ou Qihang if he was interested in Chen Yekai, but he also felt embarrassed about it.

“You want to ask if I like him.” Ou Qihang said, “But you’re afraid that I’d feel embarrassed?”

Yu Hao, “……”

Yu Hao finished washing the chopsticks and handed them to Ou Qihang. Ou Qihang wiped them dry and said,  “Embarrassment is good. Embarrassment is a kind of feeling that completely divides one’s self from the rest of the world. A person’s most embarrassing moment represents the instant when he is completely separated from his surroundings. At that time, he would most strongly feel the sense of his existence. I don’t mind that emotion in the slightest.”

Yu Hao said, “You must have been learning too much about computers, you’re practically like an AI.”

Ou Qihang laughed, “A little ba.”

Yu Hao was surprised, “You like him a little?”

Ou Qihang put the pot away and said seriously, “A little like an AI.”

Ou Qihang sat on the sofa and joined Zhou Sheng and Situ Ye with Yu Hao.

Situ Ye, “……the two of them are pretty similar when they’re melancholic, and there are some judgments on that basis that can’t be forgotten……”

After Yu Hao came over, Zhou Sheng and Situ Ye stopped their discussion. Situ Ye didn’t want to gossip about Lin Ze in front of Yu Hao, since Yu Hao was his subordinate after all.

“This is the first time I’ve had so many gays in my house.” Yu Hao said.

Ou Qihang said, “This is my first time attending this kind of gay party too. I thought you guys would introduce me to someone.”

Situ Ye said, “With your looks, you still need people to introduce someone to you?”

Ou Qihang said, “It’s not interesting to date young juniors, I want to gong big brothers. If only you were single…”

Zhou Sheng said, “Lil’ puppy, you like to be a younger gong? You’re actually a little shou ba?”

Situ Ye raised an eyebrow at Ou Qihang, “Big brothers have a lot of experience. Looking for big brothers, you’ll unlock a lot more positions.”

Ou Qihang said, “Then help me find a big brother ba. I really feel like my standards have almost fallen to ‘as long as it’s a guy.’ Big brothers are fine, little brothers are okay too.”

Yu Hao, “……”

Situ Ye, “But once you really want to start a relationship, you’ll always feel like there’s something wrong.”

“Un, un.” Ou Qihang nodded, with a hint of a smile in his eyes, “Everything feels wrong, I always feel like it shouldn’t be like this. There’s no feelings at all. Sometimes I feel like a robot; even when I’m trying to date, I’m still following a step by step procedure in the prescribed order. What’s that called in psychology?”

Yu Hao said, “When one’s sense of security starts to wane, a self-defense mechanism is activated in one’s heart.”

Situ Ye recalled Yu Hao’s major and raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise. Yu Hao explained, “Trying to enter an intimate relationship also means that you’ll have to suffer the impact of love. At that moment, your sense of security will be shaken. For some people, a fake personality will separate and rise to the surface from their true selves to protect their real personality. That is to say, there is ‘the self you want others to see’ and ‘your true self’. If one’s personality isn’t integrated, it’ll be very difficult to keep going on like that.”

Ou Qihang said, “Is Uncle Kai like that too?”

Silence. Ou Qihang looked at Chen Yekai. Yu Hao said, “You just killed the chat again.”

Situ Ye said, “I realised that I often can’t respond to this kid’s words.”

Yu Hao said, “From the first day I knew him, I’ve never been able to respond to his words. He always kills all talk, it’s very normal. Only Zhou Sheng knows what he’s thinking.”

“Need to be an honest person ma.” Ou Qihang laughed.

Zhou Sheng took a card, “Let’s play board games? Overbearing CEO is dealing cards online, if you have any questions, you can go ask him yourself ah.”

So the four began playing board games. Yu Hao would occasionally glance at Lin Ze and Chen Yekai who were at the corner. Ever since the end of their dinner, Chen Yekai was the one who kept talking while Lin Ze listened to him seriously and would comment from time to time.

By 11pm, the two had drunk quite a bit. Lin Ze came over to lie in Situ Ye’s arms, while Chen Yekai rubbed his face and joined the rest in their board game.

12am, countdown. Everyone started scurrying about Yu Hao’s house like wild dogs. Fireworks were set off outside the landing windows. Yu Hao received Fu Liqun’s New Year call; he pressed it against one ear and took the call in a corner.

“Happy New Year!” Zhou Sheng came over and shouted into the receiver.

Ou Qihang shouted, “Qunqun! Happy New Year!”

Chen Yekai came over to shout, “Liqun! Happy New Year!”

Situ Ye and Lin Ze shouted into the phone as well, “Happy New Year!”

Lin Ze added, “Never mind who I am! We don’t know each other!”

Yu Hao laughed aloud. Fu Liqun was in the gym, bending over as he tidied up. He sat on a bench and looked at his reflection in the mirror, smiling, “Happy New Year, I wish for all my brothers’ happiness.”

The party ended, and the place was in a mess.

The next day, Yu Hao was embraced by Zhou Sheng. He sat up and took a look. There were wine glasses and fruit trays everywhere, and the house was in a complete mess. Despair instantly arose in his heart. He could only lie down and pretend to not see anything and continue sleeping, waiting for Zhou Sheng to get up and clean the place.

New Year’s new weather, new feature —— ahhhhh! What about my feature?! Yu Hao went completely mad. It’s no use no matter how good his relationship is with his leader, a superior like Lin Ze would only be even stricter with him!

On the first day of New Year, Zhou Sheng took Yu Hao out to work.

Yu Hao, “Don’t you have the day off?”

“Overtime, overtime, earn some money to support the family ma.” Zhou Sheng took Yu Hao to a claw machine and gave him 200 yuan. He took the Hasselblad and said, “I’m going to catch someone who’s having an affair.”

Yu Hao said, “No, I want to follow you! How can a claw machine be as fun as catching those having an affair!”

Zhou Sheng said, “Then don’t be clumsy and follow my orders.”

Zhou Sheng got Yu Hao a slim-fit suit, so that he could wear it to infiltrate formal occasions while he’s out on interviews. They wore formal clothes and went on a stakeout near Taikoo Li in Sanlitun.

Zhou Sheng was very patient. He sat in a cafe and waited, while Yu Hao leaned on the table for a while, bored out of his mind, then took a biscuit stick to stab Zhou Sheng’s nose with. Zhou Sheng’s nose was really beautiful, “just Yu Hao recalled the last time they passed by a gay bar, and how there were people lunging over every minute.

Zhou Sheng said, “Assistant Yu, don’t do things that’ll get you beaten up.”

“President.” Yu Hao said, “Let’s talk about your company’s acquisition ba.”

Zhou Sheng said, “Assistant Yu, you haven’t settled your feature yet, what are you gonna do? That’s so worrisome.”

Yu Hao, “Aiya don’t talk about it anymore, will you? It’s New Year’s!!!”

Zhou Sheng smiled as he rejoiced in his misfortune. Yu Hao was about to die of worry because of his feature. He had already sent 22 topics to Lin Ze, but they were all rejected.

Yu Hao took out a copy of《Social Work Practice》from his bag and read it in the cafe. He threw a copy of《Macroeconomics》at Zhou Sheng. Zhou Sheng ordered a cup of coffee, and while he read the book, he paid attention to any signs of movement in the distance.

Yu Hao sometimes really admired Zhou Sheng’s ability to watch six roads and listen in all directions. He read for a while, and just as he wanted to disturb him a little, Zhou Sheng suddenly stopped moving, turned his head sideways, and took out a camera from his bag.

A tall and handsome young man took two girls into the opposite shop.

“Is it him?” Yu Hao asked, “He’s pretty handsome ma, I thought it’d be a bald man with a beer belly. And he even found two girls?”

One glance at that guy’s attire and you could tell he must be really rich, in keeping with a rich president persona. Yu Hao had no doubt that Zhou Sheng’s 30-year-old self would have that kind of air.

“One of them should be a good friend.” Zhou Sheng said, “I’ll go take a look.”

Yu Hao followed behind Zhou Sheng and stealthily found a place to watch. That man took the two girls to shop at luxury stores. Zhou Sheng held up his camera and kept walking on the escalator, maintaining his altitude, and took his first picture.

“How to adjust the lens……” Zhou Sheng said, “To make it nearer.”

“I’ll do it.”

Yu Hao kept walking up the downward-moving escalator as he adjusting the lens. One of the girls turned around and inadvertently saw them, showing her face in the shot.

Fortunately, the camera was hanging around Zhou Sheng’s neck at this time, otherwise Yu Hao would have really dropped the camera with how much his hands were trembling!

“Watch your step!” Zhou Sheng immediately embraced Yu Hao, pulling him down to crouch and hide. Zhou Sheng was about to say something when Yu Hao selected the photo to show Zhou Sheng. Zhou Sheng was stunned, then suddenly got up again.

Cen Shan walked out of the luxury store and looked up at Zhou Sheng and Yu Hao, her face filled with doubt.

“Sis-in-law?!” Zhou Sheng cried in surprise.