My Master Disconnected Yet Again

The fragrance of a flower wafted past their noses. All around them, there were little flowers floating in the air. A figure dropped from the sky. The lady was combing her hair, and a golden hairpin with jades caught their eye. In her hand, she held a cotton fan with peonies on it. She was wearing a moon-white robe with golden laced flowers, and walked with a sway, looking at them somewhat excitedly.

“Ah Hua, is that you?” Her voice was gentle and smooth., filled with emotion. Her eyes began to well up with tears. “I knew it.. I knew you were still alive. Ah Hua!”

She dashed toward them, reaching out for Lan Hua’s hand.

Lan Hua jumped backward to avoid her. “What are you doing?” He had not recovered from hearing all the stories Lan Yu told him. Now, seeing this woman, his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. He subconsciously hid behind Shen Ying.

The female immortal stared at him, hurt evident in her eyes. “Ah Hua… You still hate me for joining forces with the other celestial emperors to attack you?” A tear rolled down her cheek. She looked pitiful. Any man would have been moved. “But… the way you treated me back then… I was angry, so I-”

“Hey, stop coming any closer. If you take one more step toward me, I’ll hit you!” Lan Hua cautioned her.

The female immortal looked wounded. Emperor Lan Yu next to her laughed mirthlessly. It was as if Lan Yu was used to this.

“Ah Hua, you’re really not going to forgive me?” The female immortal was sobbing by now. “So many years have passed and I still held on to the belief that you were alive. I told myself that as long as you came back to my side, I would pretend that nothing ever happened.”

“Hey, hey, hey. Watch what you’re saying. What even happened between us? Did we have a past?”

The female immortal continued to stare at him in disbelief. “Ah Hua, how could you do this to me? I didn’t dare to betray you before, but there were some things you did wrong as well. I’ve lived in regret for more than a thousand years. I’ve even given you my most precious possession.”

“What precious possession?” Lan Hua asked, somewhat afraid.

The female immortal wailed. “I… I gave you my first time. My only first time… I gave it to you.”

The audience: “Oh…”

What wonderful gossip!

“What first time? I did not! Wait, why are all of you looking at me like that?” He did not do it! “I’m warning you–don’t think that I won’t hit you just because you’re a woman! I don’t even know you–who are you?”

The female immortal swayed. She was utterly heartbroken. “You don’t even want to acknowledge me?”

The audience looked at Lan Hua pointedly, not even wanting to blink.

(「「)~→

“Believe me, I don’t know her!”

“Ah Hua…”

“Stop calling me ‘Ah Hua’. It’s so disgusting! Who exactly are you!”

“In the past, we… really did it for the first time…”

“Shut up, who the hell did it for the first time with you? Stop insulting me!” Lan Hua was so angry he was about to explode. His face was flushed. He shouted, “I haven’t even done it before. I’m a virgin! A virgin!”

The audience: “Oh…”

(⊙_⊙)

“I’m telling the truth!” Lan Hua became increasingly anxious, afraid that they would not believe him. “Believe me! I have never had a Dao Partner. I haven’t even done it before. I’m a squab[1, Chinese slang for virgin.] ! I’m a squab, alright!” He became flustered. For some reason – maybe because he had spent too much time with Radish–he pulled apart his top and started to pull down his pants, as if wanting to prove himself.

He was so quick to prove himself. The heavenly gates echoed every single sentence back to him: I’m a squab… a squab… I’m a squab… squab…

The four people and the radish: “…”

Lan Yu: “…”

The female immortal: “…”

All the immortals: “…”

At last, Chen Ge was the first to react. He held on to Lan Hua’s hands just as he started to pull his pants downward, shouting, “Celestial Emperor Lan Hua! We believe you! We believe you, alright?” Don’t be rash – there are a bunch of female immortals standing right there!

Even the female immortal seemed shocked at Lan Hua’s revelation. Her mouth fell open–she was unable to react.

“Heh! Well…” Lonemoon cleared his throat. Lan Hua was the boss that Lonemoon brought with him after all. It would not be right if he did not step in to clear the air. “Fellow Immortal, what exactly happened between you and Lan Hua? Could you make yourself clear?”

“I don’t know her!” Lan Hua added, glaring at the female immortal. He dared her to utter one more word–he would surely hit her if she dared to.

“Hmph, you really don’t know her?” Lan Yu, who was standing aside, snorted. He looked at Lan Hua even more condescendingly. It was obvious that he knew who that woman was, but he did not look like he liked her very much at all. Instead, he seemed to… look down on her?

“I don’t know her!”

Lan Yu’s gaze hardened. He said purposefully, “She’s the Celestial Emperor Ying Zhi of the Cloud Sea.”

Everybody was shocked. They were too engrossed in the gossip. They did not realise that she was a Celestial Emperor.

“You must remember her other name…” Lan Yu smirked. “Xue Zhi!”

The four people and the radish: “…”

All the immortals: “…”

Lan Hua: “…”

This was huge news! Isn’t Xue Zhi the sea hare demon that Lan Yu raised? When did it become the Cloud Sea’s Celestial Emperor?”

“You’re spouting nonsense!” Lan Hua could not believe his ears. “I’ve seen the human form of that sea hare demon! You said that it chose to become a male…”

Wait! Before he finished speaking, his eyes widened. He looked again at the female immortal. This female immortal did look a bit too tall and strong. There was also… a… a bulge on his throat!

Σ(°△°|||)

This beautiful, gentle and fragrant person was… a… man!

Lan Hua turned pale. His legs turned to jelly. He had to hold on to the heavenly pillar beside him to keep from falling.

This Celestial Emperor was indeed extremely scary. I want to go back to Invincible Sect to refine pills!

“After Xue Zhi chose to change his gender, he naturally transformed.” Lan Yu looked extremely entertained as he explained. “At the time, he was extremely loyal to you. That was why he took your advice.” Lan Yu took a long time to persuade the hare to turn into a female. One sentence from Lan Hua was enough to convince the hare to become a male! For hundreds of thousands of years, Ying Zhi had grown used to the lifestyle of a female. It was extremely difficult for Ying Zhi to adjust in such a short time.

“Ah Hua…” Xue Zhi, no, Celestial Emperor Ying Zhi still looked at Lan Hua longingly. “We sea hares only have one chance to choose our gender. That really is our first time–our only time. Believe me!”

So that’s what he meant by “first time”. Lan Hua frowned and sucked in a deep breath. He straightened his back and said, “Sea Hare… Xue Zhi… No! Celestial Emperor Ying Zhi, I was wrong for not clarifying things with you! But I really did not know that was what you mean… What’s more, I’ve only met you less than five times, right? You also nearly killed me once. Let’s call it a draw. In any case, we’re both men.”

“I don’t mind…”

I mind!

Ying Zhi looked like he had made up his mind, but Lan Hua felt like vomiting blood. He turned to Lonemoon and said, “Where’s the bag that you keep Radish in?”

“What for?”

“Put me in as well, I’m begging you!” If this carried on, he would really puke.

Lonemoon: “…”

Yi Qing: “…”

Shen Ying: “…”