Martial King’s Retired Life

Knocking While the Moon is Out

After Her Highness explained her plan, I established a firm stance on my plan. As such, I went to go back to announce the plan, but I heard a sound similar to my stomach rumbling due to hunger. I heard it, but Tang Ye, Second Brother and Su Xiao didn't look as though they heard it.

I concentrated to try and pick it up.

I heard the sound again.

'Wait. That's not the sound of hunger.'

I carefully analysed the sound. It sounded as though it came from Her Highness' direction, and it seemed to be a sound made by a human. Princess Hongzhuang was mimicking the sound of a stomach rumbling due to hunger using her mouth, and then delivering it to me via Voice Transmission!

I quickly went over to see her pull back her hands that she just used to assist in delivering the sound in a flustered fashion.

'You were too late! I saw you! I knew what you were just doing! You just used clasped your hands and mimicked the sound of your stomach rumbling, didn't you?!'

The Princess' white face was totally red, but she focused her gaze somewhere on the roof. She pouted her red lips and pretended she was whistling as a means of feigning innocence.

'…'

'Your whistling is silent! Su Xiao is right outside; there's no way you'd be whistling! You still think that whistling proves your innocence?!'

'She's pretending! The straight-laced Princess is doing her best to feign innocence, because she's shy!'

'You've got to be illegally cute!'

'You're about to give me a blood nose!!'

'You don't actually think that you're convincing, do you?! What was that sound that I just heard, then?! A cat that comes indoors at night doesn't make such a sound!'

Nevertheless, as I had basically figured out how awkward the Princess is, I took the initiative to inquire, "Your Highness… are you hungry?"

She couldn't cross her long legs, so she angled her beautiful legs. Add her imposing beautiful face, and we had the sight of her sitting square and rigidly. She faintly replied, "I'm all right."

'Oh really? I see.'

"Oh, I'll go back to chatting with them, then."

I took a step back and prepared to leave.

"Wait."

The Princess suddenly grabbed hold of my hand… let me correct myself there; she probably moulded seventy percent of her internal energy into her frantic grab! I suddenly felt an immense amount of strength you'd only encounter in a real fight clutch my wrist. Had I not been well-acquainted with her, I'd have mistaken her as an assassin! Moreover, if the outside world saw me shoulder such an immense amount of strength, it's absolutely certain that they'd be crying for their moms and dad.

I couldn't help, but face palm myself so that she couldn't see my expression. I pretended that it was extremely painful.

"Your Majesty, if you grab me so firmly, my hand will break."

"Umm…" The Princess looked at me with a bright and piercing gaze. Her tone remained calm as she asked, "Are you…. Not hungry?"

Her gaze looked imposing; that was a fact, but she didn't dare to look at my face.

"Me? I am all right. I will go to the kitchen in a bit to grab some grub."

"Then… I think meat buns aren't bad."

'What, you like meat buns?'

"In other words, you are hungry!"

"I'm not hungry! I spend most of my days wandering the pugilistic world. One time, I didn't drink or eat for three days and three nights straight in order to assassinate a villain, and I was fine, so how could I be hungry?!"

'I believe that claim, but that's one matter. Today's circumstance is different to back then. Your Highness, don't forget that you were drugged with an aphrodisiac (read: heavenly) and drank a fair amount of strong alcohol. Plus, you left the Imperial Palace before night fall last night; I bet you didn't even have dinner, did you?'

'Also, don't mindlessly pull the assassin act! You're a Princess if you go through life this way, His Majesty will die from distress! Just tell your dad and any bad guy will be history!'

I indifferently said, "Wait for a bit! Wait till we are done with business, and I will grab you some food."

"I'm fine… I-I'm worried that you're hungry."

'Oh, well, thank you for being considerate!'

I went back to my seat. They looked at me with a weird gaze. I don't blame them, though, as I've kept on going back and forth.

Suddenly, the room went dead silent.

I felt a little awkward…

'What should I do?'

'Oh, right, I should do this. Carry out my plan!'

"Oh, right, I just thought of a plan to deal with Jin Wangsun. I'll now tell you all about my plan."

…

…

The room went quiet; then, somebody began screaming!!

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Don't touch me. Hey. Touch me again, and I won't hesitate to hit you. You! Ming Feizhen! You're teaming up with him?!"

"Don't mess up my hair! What's with that look on your faces?"

"W-Wait. Don't tug on my clothes. You're going to rip my clothes! Wait!"

I forcibly ripped his clothes off despite his resistance, thereby revealing his sturdy, yet supple body. Then, I revealed a mischievous smile.

"Stop screaming. Nobody will come to your rescue even if you scream your lungs out. Hehehehe."

"What are you doing? Oi! You're being gross!!"

I said, "Second Brother."

"Present!"

I rolled up my sleeves and approached him step by step. I smiled and led with my Chinglish, "Follow me."

Second Brother also rolled up his sleeves. He exclaimed, "Ass we can!"

"What language are you two even speaking?! Stay away! Stay away from me! Your smiles are gross!!"

I gave Second Brother a strong smack to the back of his head, "It's 'Yes, we can', son of a beach!"

'Learn your Chinglish properly, will you?! You ruined the mood!'

As for Tang Ye, he seriously couldn't stand the atmosphere in the room. His ice-cold face melted. He panicked, "What in the world do you want?!"

I don't blame Tang Ye. He was about to be stripped butt naked, after all.

After I came up with an attack plan, I discussed it with Second Brother. However, the two of us revealed spooky smiles, and then began stripping Tang Ye without a word prior. Consequently, it came as no surprise that he was panicked and lost for what to do.

"Don't worry, Brother; I have a request I'd like to make of you."

Tang Ye picked up a piece of fabric and wore on a stern expression, "Get lost!"

Tang Ye seemed to think that it wasn't enough. Therefore, he picked up a teacup and hurled it with an immense amount of force behind it. He then raged, "Piss off as fast as your legs can take you!!"

I caught the teacup. Puzzled, I asked, "I still haven't told you what this is about? Why are you in such a rush to turn me down?"

Worried about his purity, Tang Ye covered himself with his clothes. Had it not been for his unkempt appearance, you could say that he looked stern, "I'm not whoring myself!"

'Huh? Whoever told you to whore yourself out?'

"Listen to me."

"Stay away, you gay!"

"Are you still going to be so uncooperative? Second Brother! Come, strip him first, and then we'll talk!"

"Ass we can!!"

With Second Brother and me teaming up, Tang Ye wouldn't be able to escape even if he used a hundred and eight different supreme styles. He could struggle, but only despair would await him.

Su Xiao curbed his curiosity by scanning Tang Ye's tough muscles. It was clear that he was very tough. His striations didn't overwhelm the suppleness, though. His bulging muscles were akin to a piece of dry goat cheese.

Su Xiao checked out Tang Ye's imposing triceps with curiosity and envy. While he was at it, he touched Tang Ye's slender and supple arm. Then, he sighed with disappointment.

'Miss, it's not easy to gain horseshoe triceps. You're better off learning kitchen skills, and then marrying off when you grow up…'

Just when we were engaging in the tussle, someone suddenly knocked on the door.

"Are you there, Head Constable Ming? Someone from the palace has come looking for you for a pressing matter."

'By the sound of her voice, I think she's the leader of the female constables. Her name was Bai Yeshuang if my memory does me justice.'

"Erm, not right now. Wait! Don't move! If you continue to refuse to cooperate, I'll rip it!"

It sounded as though it was an urgent matter. Bai Yeshuang didn't wait any longer. She pushed the door open and entered.

The moment she entered was the moment Tang Ye met his end. His pants had nearly been removed. He didn't care who knocked; he just minded himself and screamed, "I'll strip! I'll strip, all right?!!"

There were two people at the door when it opened. One of them was Bai Yeshuang, while the other was Princess Jingan!!

Glossary

*Ass we can is a Chinglish phrase two men say when they need to blow a load, but there are no females around, and thus, use each other's ass cracks instead.