Chapter 215 – Childish Turtle
When my cellphone was in Loud Mouth’s possession, it underwent multiple intimate connections with various students. Those who suffered the fate of being paired up included both males and female students.
A lot of people including Xiao Qin believed my cellphone was shameless and ate both males and females. No one believed it was simply because Loud Mouth wanted to test every single model.
Due to Loud Mouth’s, the Lobster Alien’s, abuse of authority, every student who was selected had to obediently offer up their cellphone, until Loud Mouth went up to Xiong YaoYue, who was currently feeding on some bread.
Loud Mouth spoke bluntly: “Xiao Xiong, let me borrow your cellphone for a bit. I don’t believe I can insert every single model of cellphones!”
“Sure!” Xiong YaoYue agreed while holding a piece of bread in her mouth, but she realized her pockets were empty when she went to grab her phone.
“Ah! I left my phone at home cause I left in a hurry today morning!”
Although she did not bring her own phone, after she asked what Loud Mouth wanted, she stuffed the rest of the bread in her mouth and clapped the crumbs off her hands, then she spoke righteously:
“You want to try connections? What’s the point of trying regular phones? Wouldn’t it be more fun to try Gong CaiCai’s iPhone 4?”
Gong CaiCai was sitting at her desk properly while sharpening her pencil, but she got up and tried to run after she heard Xiong YaoYue’s statement.
“Don’t run!” Xiong YaoYue leaped over and caught on to Gong CaiCai. Loud Mouth then mercilessly pulled out an iPhone 4 from her bag.
“Huh? It doesn’t seem to be brand new!” Loud Mouth said while searching for a connection opening on the phone.
Gong CaiCai struggled for a bit under Xiong YaoYue’s restraint, but gave up after realizing it was useless.
“That… was what my Aunt gave me after she switched one! If I broke it, my dad will say I don’t know how to treasure things!”
“It won’t break, it won’t break!” Xiong YaoYue guaranteed and smiled heartlessly, “We only want to try to see if we can plug it in! Let us satisfy our curiosity!”
“That’s right, you won’t be at a disadvantage… Ye Lin’s phone can cahrge your iPhone!”
Loud Mouth laughed loudly.
“Ye…. Lin’s phone!?”
Gong CaiCai subconsciously looked towards the last row in the classroom. I had a helpless expression but it seemed like Loud Mouth and Xiong YaoYue were both under my control.
“It can charge a phone?” This time Xiong YaoYue was the one who was surprised, “I thought we were plugging it in to play around!”
Loud Mouth glanced at Xiong YaoYue with contempt, “Were you even listening! Do you even have a brain!”
“What did you say?” Xiong YaoYue made an expression as if to say ‘I won’t forgive you’, “After I finish up with Gong CaiCai, you’re next, fatty!”
“I’m not fat, I’m well-developed!”
“Well-developed? If you were well-developed, Eunuch Cao wouldn’t have gave you the nickname of ‘Ka Men’!”
“What? I got another nickname? Isn’t Carmen a character from a novel? I remember how she seduced many people —— how do I resemble her?”
“Puh…” Xiong YaoYue could not hold back and laughed, “It’s not a foreign nickname, Eunuch Cao only said you were too fat and would get stuck in the doorways of the classroom…”
“Damn Eunuch Cao, I’ll kill you!!” Loud Mouth was seething in anger and she looked around but Eunuch Cao was nowhere to be found.
“Um… can you let me go now?”
Gong CaiCai, who was still stuck between the two of them and was forced to listen to their argument, weakly objected.
“No!” Loud Mouth snorted, “Since Eunuch Cao ran, I’ll take out my anger on your phone first! Xiao Xiong, hold her down! I’m going to plug it in!”
“Okay!” Although they were both just in an argument, Xiong YaoYue turned back into her accomplice in the blink of an eye.
“No~~ don’t!” Gong CaiCai wailed, “My aunt said it would explode if I plug in random things to charge it!”
“Eh? Would it really explode?” Xiong YaoYue paused and seemed a bit scared.
“Explode my ass!” Loud Mouth said, “How can an apple product be this delicate? I’ll let it have a taste of the power of a Chinese product today!”
Loud Mouth connected my crap phone and the iPhone ignoring Gong CaiCai’s wails, but nothing really happened.
“Not good! The class leader is coming!” Xiong YaoYue suddenly exclaimed and let go of Gong CaiCai, then she covered her ears and ran away.
Loud Mouth who ran slower was caught and lectured by the class leader, but she blamed it on me: “It’s all because of Ye Lin’s strange phone! Who told him he could have such an odd phone!”
Damn it, I can’t believe you pushed the blame on me! My phone is strange? You still have not discovered the ‘female entertainment app’! Once that app makes my phone vibrate non-stop, who knows how you would describe it!
Ahhhh not good! The class leader is coming for me with my phone! Is she going to ask for my involvement!? Should I cover my ears like Xiong YaoYue?!
Fortunately, I was saved by the bell.
The class leader put the phone on my desk and told me to take care of my belonging and that my phone should be off during class.
Off? How would I manage the store if my phone was off? Although you do not know, your brother also receives wages from me!
The biology teacher was an elderly woman with an ideology of not getting married. She used to try to convince students from a biological point of view to not date early, and definitely not get married, these were her points:
“Before a person is married, they are free like an animal; after marriage, their actions become limited like a plant; once they get kids, their actions become completely bounded like a rock!”
That’s right! Those are words of wisdom! If my dad never got married, then I would not have to sit here like a rock!
Today, the biology teacher was constantly coughing during class so my classmates all suspected she had bird flu. It was because one of the rumors of our school was that this unmarried woman had a hobby of collecting bacteria.
Maybe it was because the students were afraid her collection would wipe out humanity, so they gave her a nickname of ‘Extinction Teacher’. Also, they ranked her as the number one weapon of mass destruction of 28 Middle.
I thought it was impressive that the extinction teacher was able to stay single for 50 years and it was worth learning.
In order to achieve complete freedom, even a girlfriend is completely unnecessary. I should try to chase Xiao Qin away as soon as possible.
Due to being to busy, I have not been bullying Xiao Qin like before. What if I give her a misconception that I became gentler!
Thus I opened the browser on my phone and searched ‘how to make your girlfriend hate you’. When I was typing in ‘how to make your girlfriend’, the search engine almost auto corrected to ‘how to make your girlfriend like you’.
You guys would regret it after you get married when you make your girlfriend like you! (The second autofill option on the search engine was ‘how to make your girlfriend climax’, I already gave up all hope on this fucked up planet)
I changed the search into keywords of ‘boyfriend’, ‘hate’, and ‘characteristics’, and I finally found what I was looking for —— “Ten Types of Boyfriends Girls Hate”.
I widened my eyes and realized the top ten characteristics were:
Unhygienic
Childish
Chauvinistic
Cheapskate
Playboy
Vulgar
Braggart
Untrustworthy
Petty, holds a grudge
Lazy
It does not seem very useful! I feel like when I was with Xiao Qin, I was definitely a cheapskate (I don’t even treat her to cafeteria food), I was a playboy (I invited the class leader to the movies with tickets she gave me), I was untrustworthy (I often give her empty promises), I hold a grudge (the Little Tyrant) … also chauvinistic, vulgar, braggart, lazy, and unhygienic might not lower my position in Xiao Qin’s mind, and it might even have an opposite effect.
After thinking about it, do I have to choose childish?
Will she hate me if I act childishly in front of her?
A new discovery!
Of course, I can’t be dripping drool and rolling my eyes to act childish (that would make me an imbecile), I should use childish antics so she would hate me, right?
So I pulled out a marker and ordered Xiao Qin to give me her arm.
Xiao Qin obeyed. The biology teacher was currently getting heated up talking about the environment: “Humans don’t know how to protect the environment!”
I laughed and drew a turtle on Xiao Qin’s white arm with a permanent marker.
“Take your arm back!” I smiled gleefully, this should be childish enough, right? Preschool level? Let’s see how mad you get when you can’t wash it off!
I never expected Xiao Qin to like my drawing. She held her arm and appreciated it for awhile as if she discovered the Americas, and she said:
“This turtle looks good. Who knew Ye Lin classmate also has talent in drawing…”
“Especially the head, it’s cute! I really like Ye Lin classmate’s turtle…”
At this critical point in time, Niu ShiLi looked toward us. I feel like if Xiao Qin kept speaking, there would be even more nasty rumors spread about me.
“Stop, don’t say anymore! I’ll go get some rubbing alcohol to erase it!”