I’m Actually a Cultivation Bigshot

Li Nianfan was taken aback. “You can…simply change it?”

Ox-Head replied humbly, “Just small adjustments. Not that different. I can’t change a pig into a dog.”

‘You just changed someone’s reincarnation from being born into a normal household to a rich household. You call that a small adjustment?’

‘That’s more different than changing a pig into a dog!

‘Authorities who don’t understand the suffering of the common people!’

Li Nianfan changed his mind about the adjudgement position.

‘Such a cool job. I can’t believe Ox-Head and Horse-Face would complain about it. How dare they?

‘They’re blessed without knowing it. I feel so envious.’

Li Nianfan was glad that he was close with the Underworld. It was great that his afterlife would be nice.

He noticed that Jiese and the others had not spoken in a long while. They looked sad wearing their frowns. They could almost write the word ‘worry’ on their faces. They did not even dare to speak.

He instantly had an idea. He asked, “Brother Ox, tell me honestly. For these three people, how would you judge them?”

“This…”

Ox-Head looked at Yuecha and the others. He felt troubled. Then, he said softly, “Two of them killed innocent lives, another one illegally trapped souls. Those are huge sins. They might not be able to reincarnate.”

That meant that they were going to the eighteen levels of Hell.

Yun Yiyi went pale. She smiled awkwardly and said, “Mr. Li, I deserve the punishment. You don’t have to beg for me.”

Suddenly, Jiese spoke up, “I followed her the whole time. I could’ve stopped her but never did. The karma of Lady Yun should be mine.”

Li Nianfan hurriedly interrupted the couple that was about to go all lovey-dovey. “Brother Ox, um… Can you give them a pass?”

“Theoretically, I can’t,” replied Ox-Head. The word ‘theoretically’ was crucial. As expected, the Ox said, “However, for these three, one of them set up Buddhism, one of them restored Hell, and the other fixed the Wheel of Reincarnation. These are huge achievements. I could plead for them.”

Li Nianfan smiled and said, “That’s great news!”

‘So-called pleading. The judgement is decided by Ox-Head the entire time.’

He immediately took out his wine gourd and poured him a drink. “Oh yeah, Brother Ox, Brother Horse, this is our first time meeting. You haven’t tried my homemade brew. It’s not as good as Immortal Wine but it tastes nice. Please, try it.”

“Mr. Li, don’t be a stranger. We don’t need this hospitality because we’re close friends now, right?” Ox-Head and Horse-Face said. However, their eyes were fixated on the drinks, almost popping out of their skulls.

Black and White Impermanence had not stopped bragging about how powerful the expert was since they were back. They mostly mentioned his delicious food and wine. They said it was a hundred times better than the so-called ambrosia!

Every time Ox-Head and Horse-Face heard about it, they would salivate hard and would feel hungry. They wanted nothing more but to taste it!

‘Is this the expert’s beautiful wine?’

They sniffed. ‘Wow, what a nice smell!’

Li Nianfan smiled and said, “Precisely because we’re close, I have to treat you to a drink. Don’t be courteous with me.”

Ox-Head and Horse-Face gulped hard. “Thank you then.”

They could not wait. They took the wine glass and drank it.

“Ah—”

Beautiful wine. It was indeed beautiful wine!

They smacked their lips. The flavor was delicious and it was also beneficial for their cultivation. The wine…was from another realm.

Ox-Head and Horse-Face were instantly astounded. They respected the expert even more. They could not believe that they were back in the Underworld tasting such beautiful wine. It was unfathomable. They would not even dream of it.

Li Nianfan held the wine gourd. He smiled and said, “Come on, there’s another glass of wine after this one.”

He did not just pour wine for Ox-Head and Horse-Face. Black and White Impermanence and the others by the side got a glass each, too. Even the Onis who stood guard had their own glasses.

The Onis were already glancing in his direction. They thought they could sneak closer to smell the beautiful wine aroma. They did not expect to get a glass of wine for free. They were instantly surprised and continuously thanked him.

As for the line of ghosts, they could only watch them pitifully.

Suddenly, an elder protested, “Why don’t we get some? Spare us a drop.”

“Huh?”

Ox-Head was surprised. “This old man has such a clear state of mind. What’s going on?”

Horse-Face waved, “Looks like someone’s intelligence is still intact. Drag him out and reward him with another bowl of Meng Po Soup.”

Everyone enjoyed the beautiful grape wine. They were instantly in a better mood.

Ox-Head’s cheeks were flushed. He joyfully patted his chest and said, “Mr. Li, these three are your friends, which means they’re my friends, too. It’s not much but I’m good at helping out my friends. You can count on me!”

He immediately raised his hand. The Death Note gleamed.

The information about Yuecha appeared first.

“Demon. Killed countless lives. A massive sinner. Should go to the sixteenth layer of Hell for three thousand years before being reincarnated as a pig.”

‘That’s too scary. Imagine spending three thousand years in the sixteenth layer of Hell and then reincarnating as a Pig.’

“Piece of cake.” Ox-Head smiled and put the brush in his mouth to wet it with his saliva. He started to write.

“This person is regretful of past actions and created Buddhism. Guided others to be kind. Did good karma. Temporarily abolish the punishment in Hell. To be confirmed.”

Ox-Head scratched his head and said, “Mr. Li, the Hell punishment has been removed. As for Reincarnation, I’m afraid it would be a tragic life, and she might not be human.”

“Thank you so much,” said Yuecha genuinely. She paused and said, “Can you let me reincarnate into a boy?”

It seemed like she wanted to become a monk in the next life.

“Haha, easy.” Ox-Head smiled and wrote ‘Guy, male, man’.

Next up were Jiese and Yun Yiyi. They both looked nervous.

As expected, the punishment for their sins were as harsh as Yuecha’s.

Ox-Head smiled. “You two are easier to deal with. Plus, we’re grateful for what you two have done for the Underworld. This will be a piece of cake.”

Yun Yiyi asked excitedly, “Can you make sure we’re a married couple in the next life?”

Ox-Head replied, “I can but since you both have sinned, you’re destined to have troubles in your next lives.”

Li Nianfan smiled and said, “No worries. As long as they have a good ending in the end.”

Ox-Head did not say anything else since Li Nianfan spoke up. He wrote, “Okay… Let me try.”

“Relationship troubles. Every trouble they face will be harsh and brutal. An unsuccessful relationship, as if Fate keeps stopping them. However…”

Ox-Head reread the sentence. In the end, he just wrote the two words, ‘Happy ending’.

‘Damn, I don’t care anymore. I have written down the main plot. Fate shall do as it pleases for the specific details.

‘I’m not very educated. I can only help you two this much.’

Yun Yiyi was immediately happy. She said, “Thanks, Sire Ox.”

Black and White Impermanence noticed that they were done. They smiled and said, “Alright, you all can go reincarnate after drinking the Meng Po Soup.”

Yuecha and the others looked at each other. They all bowed at Li Nianfan at the same time. They did not speak because words could not express their gratitude towards him.

Li Nianfan laughed.”Alright, you should be thanking the Sires of the Underworld. Live well in your next life.”

He pursed his lip. He felt like something was off about that sentence.

Black and White Impermanence led the way. “Please, follow us.”

Yuecha and the others naturally used the express lane of the Underworld. They did not need to line up.

They were back at the Naihe Bridge. The old granny who scooped soup was still there. She looked friendly.

She smiled at everyone as she scooped three big bowls of soup for Yuecha and the others. “Don’t be courteous, drink up.”

She looked at Li Nianfan and the others again. She smiled and asked, “Guests, do you want some?”

“Hell no!” Nanan and Dragin jumped and hid behind Li Nianfan.

Ziye had to say, “Granny, stop joking.”

She smiled. She remembered that the granny would always ask her that question to scare her when she used to visit the Underworld.

“Ha, it’s Little Ziye.” Meng Po looked kind and caring. “It’s been a lot of years since I last saw you. How’s the Heavenly Palace?”

Ziye looked troubled. She opened her mouth and was ready to tell Meng Po about the Heavenly Palace situation, hoping to get a solution.

“Blergh!”

Yun Yiyi suddenly vomited. She took the bowl and sniffed it when she was not ready yet. She immediately felt her stomach twist. She looked horrified.

‘Smelly and stinky. I’ll die if I drink this…thingy, right?’

She looked at Yuecha and Jiese again. The two of them had closed their eyes. They seemed to be chanting Buddhist scriptures. However, their hands that were holding the bowls were trembling.

Yun Yiyi hurriedly apologized, “Sorry, I just feel a bit… Blergh!”

Li Nianfan had to say, “Um… Granny, can I add some seasoning to the soup? To better the flavor.”

Meng Po smiled and said, “If you have some, you can try adding it into the pot, Mr. Li.”

“Okay.” Li Nianfan took out a seasoning packet that he had brought with him. He tore it open and poured half of it into the pot.

Meng Po stirred for a short while. Then, it emitted an odd aroma. The nervous ghosts suddenly scrunched up their noses. They looked at the Meng Po Soup weirdly. They might even be excited to try it.

Black and White Impermanence’s gazes were fixed on the pot of Meng Po Soup, too. They had to lick their lips.

White Impermanence had to ask, “Mr. Li, what did you put in there? It smells so good!”

“Chicken essence and cumin. These two things can better flavor and smell for anything.”

White Impermanence was awestruck. “Goodness, chicken essence? That’s a legendary item!”

Black Impermanence looked mystified and wanted to know everything. “What kind of chicken produced this essence? I have to capture some chicken.”

Meng Po started to scoop soup for the ghosts and souls again.

A middle-aged man had a bowl of Meng Po Soup in his hand but he did not drink it.

An Oni looked unhappy at that. He scolded, “What? We already made it better for you, why don’t you drink it? Hurry up!”

The ghost looked like he was in pain. He said, “You don’t know this, Sire. I’m in love with a girl. Our groundbreaking love is more solid than gold. The memories of us being together have been deeply etched into my mind. I once promised her that I’d never forget her.”

The Oni frowned. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that one bowl of Meng Po Soup…may not be enough.”

“You daring punk! You’re just trying to scam us for another bowl!”

The Oni had seen through his schemes. He waved, “Fellas, give him the original version of the Meng Po Soup. Let him have it!”