I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

The middle-aged man no longer dabbled in self-mutilation. Instead, he would visit Dongfang Mengjie’s tea garden every month.

The relationship between the two of them was a delicate one. At the very least, they were close interspecies friends.

In the Sinister Spirit Beast Cesspool, he was the almighty Demonic Blood Kirin who struck fear into the hearts of all of the ferocious beasts.

In the small city at the southeastern border of the Kingdom of the Nine States, he was a warm, gentle middle-aged man with kirin horns who liked to drink tea and discuss dao.

In the beginning, Dongfang Zhuangshi would still assume his kirin form in the Sinister Spirit Beast Cesspool and his human form in Ling Gu City. However, he now preferred to be in his human form regardless of where he was.

He seemed to prefer being a human; a reasonable human.

This was something that had all the beast tribes dumbstruck for a long time.

“Emperor Kirin! We have conquered the seven cities in the west and eradicated all of the resistance forces there.”

A Return to Void Stage immortal beast half-knelt before him as it delivered a battle report.

“Hmm? Be reasonable, why would you attack the seven cities in the west?” The middle-aged man’s brows furrowed.

“Uh…” The immortal beast was taken aback by this question. “To… To expand our territory.”

“That’s not a good enough reason! You’re attacking the territory of others in order to expand our own territory? That sort of unreasonable logic should not be promoted, and you should be ashamed of yourself!” The middle-aged man was quite enraged.

The immortal beast was dumbstruck. What did it have to be ashamed of? This was how they had always done things! It was extremely commonplace for the beast tribes to expand their territory through conquest. What was this crap about being reasonable? Was this a fake Emperor Kirin?

The immortal beast left with a perplexed frown, and the middle-aged man’s thoughts had already drifted onto more important things. It was almost the day of the month again, during which he could see that woman. He had to make some preparations.

Their relationship was like a steady stream that slowly flowed into their hearts.

Many years had passed, and there seemed to be no major breakthroughs, but they were actually growing closer and closer to one another the entire time.

This was quite an understandable situation. After all, it was very common for cultivators to be in relationships for hundreds of years.

This might seem a little excessive, but one had to realize that a dao partner would be someone that one had to spend tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of years with! How could one just become dao partners after being in a relationship for one or two years? That would simply be irresponsible!

It was exactly because of this that he didn’t really have any objections to the hundred-year agreement proposed by Xiaolan.

Setting all that aside, the middle-aged man seriously needed to do a lot of work on his tactics for pursuing women.

An Lin often found himself cringing at the middle-aged man’s lackluster efforts.

For example, bringing over some local produce was fine, but why the f*ck would he bring some delicacy made from the snot bugs from the Sinister Spirit Beast Cesspool?

He was instantly rewarded with a few slaps for that.

However, the middle-aged man had now conditioned himself to enjoy these slaps while Dongfang Mengjie was left to seethe with rage.

Or for example, Dongfang Mengjie once mentioned on a certain day that there was going to be a beautiful aurora borealis that would appear over a city five nights from now. It would be quite an enchanting spectacle to witness the lights dance across the sky.

“Do you want to go and see it?” the middle-aged man asked.

“Not really. There’s no one to accompany me, so I can’t be bothered going.” The woman heaved a light sigh.

“Hmm, that’s alright. The aurora borealis isn’t all that good to look at anyway,” the middle-aged man consoled in a gentle voice.

Female: “…”

An Lin: “…”

Sigh, there were many more examples of the middle-aged man’s cringe-worthy relationship tactics.

An Lin had already seen more of Dongfang Zhuangshi’s unsightly past than he would have ever cared to see.

One morning.

The middle-aged man arrived at the tea garden as usual to survey the scenery and drink tea.

It was a slightly rainy day.

Dongfang Mengjie wore her usual cream-colored dress as she tinkered with the teacups with her nimble hands. An aromatic fragrance wafted forth as she poured the contents of the teapot into the teacups.

“The City Lord’s son, Liu Wenguang, brought me some flowers today,” the woman suddenly said with a faint smile.

The middle-aged man faltered upon hearing this, and his hand trembled as a thought flashed through his mind. I’ll kill him!

“Oh? Who is that? I’m not too familiar with him.” The middle-aged man forced an elegant smile onto his face.

He had to constantly show his reasonable and cultured side to this woman, so he couldn’t succumb to his impulses…

“Him…” A dreamy light flashed through her eyes. “He’s a handsome man, and he has great aptitude as well. He’s already at the Soul Formation Stage.”

The middle-aged man chuckled nonchalantly. “That’s nothing special.”

“Most importantly, he is a core disciple of the Pill Tower, and his pill refinement skills are extremely impressive!” An expression of approval appeared on the woman’s face.

She was a pill refinement master herself, so she admired anyone that was able to join the Pill Tower, a place that all pill refinement masters yearned to join.

The middle-aged man was a little disgruntled to hear this, and he suddenly felt as if the tea wasn’t as delicious as it usually was.

In reality, a beast like him wouldn’t know how to savor tea anyway. The only factor that determined whether the tea was delicious to him was his mood.

“Is he impressive just because he managed to join the Pill Tower? I can do the same too,” the middle-aged man said with a serious expression.

“You?” The woman burst into laughter upon hearing this. “Let’s not mention your pill refinement aptitude. There’s no chance of that happening.”

“Then what if I make it into the Pill Tower?” The middle-aged man asked.

Dongfang Mengjie pursed her lips in an amused smile. “Then I’ll agree to do one thing for you!”

“Alright!” The middle-aged man’s fighting spirit had been ignited.

An Lin was a little skeptical too. The middle-aged man was probably a Spirit Gathering Stage pill refinement master at the very most…

“Young Master Liu is apparently not a fan of tea, which is quite a pity. I would have invited him to the tea garden for some tea otherwise.” Dongfang Mengjie shot a surreptitious glance at the man beside her. As she spoke, a hint of anticipation and anxiety built in her heart.

Pitter patter…

Outside the pavilion, the rain began to fall with greater intensity.

The middle-aged man: “I don’t actually like to drink tea either.”

The woman faltered slightly upon hearing this. “That’s a good joke. You seem very happy whenever you come here to drink tea.”

The middle-aged man was a little worked up. “I’m not making a joke! I always look happy here is not because I like tea, but because I like…”

The woman stared with bright, unblinking eyes at the man beside her.

Her eyes rippled with anticipation and a hint of excitement for the middle-aged man’s imminent admission.

The middle-aged man’s heart jolted upon seeing her expression. “It’s because I like… the wind and rain here. I like the serene environment and the feeling of being here.”

Upon hearing this, Dongfang Mengjie faltered before bursting into laughter again.

After that, their relationship went back to normal.

The middle-aged man would still make time to visit the tea garden and drink tea every month.

And Dongfang Mengjie never mentioned that Young Master Liu ever again.

After a while, they gathered again at the same small pavilion.

The middle-aged man turned to Dongfang Mengjie with an earnest expression. “I’m going to be competing in the Pill Tower’s Rookie Tournament. Do… Do you still remember your promise?”

Dongfang Mengjie replied with a faint smile, “Of course I do.”

“Alright, wait for my triumphant return!”

“Sure. But make sure you don’t use any unfair tricks.”

“Don’t worry, the only unfair advantage I will have will be my age!”

The woman burst into laughter upon hearing this.

She couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of a mythological beast battling it out with a bunch of competitors vastly younger than him.

“Alright, goodbye then.”

“Goodbye.”

Dongfang Mengjie looked up as Dongfang Zhuangshi disappeared into the clouds above.

She remained standing at the same spot for a long time with anticipation in her eyes.