I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

An Lin trudged back to his dorm room in exhaustion.

He didn’t get a chance to look at the system, but he had to have completed his mission. Otherwise, he would’ve been in the nude mode already.

Walking around nude in front of an audience of tens of thousands… Just the mere thought of it sent shivers running down his spine.

Thankfully, he managed to grind Emperor Ziwei’s face into the ground.

A huge white dog immediately pounced on him as soon as he walked through the door. “Big Brother An! I heard that you bashed Emperor Ziwei! That’s so bad*ss, woof!”

An Lin stroked Da Bai’s head while smiling nonchalantly. “There’s no need to make a fuss. It’s not a big deal.”

“Gasp…” Xiao Ze and Little Lang both drew sharp intakes of breath. Bashing legendary Dao Integration Stage True God was no big deal? How bad*ss!

After the pleasantries, Da Bai cut straight to the point and said, “In any case, this is an event worthy of celebration. Let’s eat frying-pan hotpot today! Woof!”

Xiao Chou, Little Lang, Xiao Chou, Little Tian, and even Xiao Hong and Tina, who were photosynthesizing on the windowsill, turned in An Lin’s direction with glowing eyes.

So this was Da Bai’s true objective!

All the beast pets immediately chimed in in order to exert peer pressure on An Lin!

In the few days that An Lin had been away, everything they ate tasted like sh*t, so they had zero appetites.

It was also because of these past few days that Tina was successfully recruited by Xiao Hong to eat solar energy in order to avoid having to eat actual food!

An Lin paused momentarily before finally nodding in agreement to Da Bai’s suggestion.

Raucous cheers immediately erupted within his dorm room.

It wasn’t time to eat yet, so An Lin made his way to his bedroom with Xue Zhantian in his arms.

He placed the soft and furry Xue Zhantian under his head since his body made the ideal pillow!

“Master, I’m so loyal to you, and I would do anything for you…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll give you an extra bowl of soup at dinner tonight.”

“Yay! Master is the best!”

An ecstatic expression appeared on Xue Zhantian’s face as he patted An Lin’s cheeks with his intricate wings.

“Alright, that’s enough. Let me rest for a bit.” An Lin was quite exhausted after enduring so many battles, and he was ready to fall asleep at a moment’s notice.

However, he decided to open the system in his mind before he fell asleep.

As expected, the special mission had been completed, and he could now spin the wheel for his prize.

An Lin chose to cash in on this as a special spell techniques lottery wheel began to appear. Dense clusters of spell technique names appeared on the wheel, but everything was obscured from view by a white mist.

The previous Make You Cry spell technique really wasn’t all that useful, and it couldn’t even be used on Dao Integration Stage mighty figures. The only time it actually came in useful was when An Lin screwed over Ji Yongfang.

Hopefully, the spell technique would be better this time…

The prize wheel began to spin at An Lin’s behest.

He rubbed his hands together and silently prayed for better luck.

“Stop!”

The prize wheel spun slower and slower before finally coming to a halt.

The white mist slowly dissipated to reveal the spell technique that he had won.

F*ck!

His eyes widened with incredulity at the spell technique.

Whoosh!

The spell technique from the system merged into An Lin’s body.

“Make You Poo spell technique: A physiological attack able to be used against one individual target at a time. The victim will be struck with an intense urge to defecate, and there is a chance that a victim of low enough cultivation base would sh*t themselves to death. However, cultivators with higher cultivation bases will have stronger immunity against the spell technique.

“Note: This spell technique can only be used once per day and is completely ineffective against Dao Integration Stage cultivators.”

An Lin almost threw up a mouthful of blood. What use did he have for such a sh*tty technique?!

Not only was it useless, but it was also disgusting. He could test out the Make You Cry spell technique on Da Bai, but who was he supposed to test out this spell technique on? There weren’t even any enemies around in the school for him to try it out on!

Speaking of which… could the Make You Poo spell technique really make a target sh*t themselves to death?

An Lin’s impression of the spell technique slowly began to change. It was useless, but it was fun!

He could give a lot of small animals diarrhea in order to widen his horizons.

For example, had you seen a snake poo before?

Had you seen a tiger poo?

Had you seen a dragon poo?

Had you seen a phoenix poo?

Also, were skeleton monsters capable of defecating?

He was getting a little excited at all the possibilities this spell technique opened up to him…

An Lin slowly fell asleep as his mind drifted, and he seemed to have had a dream as well.

Could a cultivator dream? Of course they could, and their dreams were quite lucid too.

Some of them were simple, meaningless dreams; some reflected their dao hearts; some were the manifestations of mental demons, and there were even some bad*ss dreams that could predict the future.

Night fell and countless stars appeared in the night sky.

An Lin dreamed that he had pissed Xu Xiaolan off, for which he was rewarded with a slap across the face.

And that wasn’t the end either; what followed was a combo of slaps.

“Big Brother An! Wake up! Woof!

“Get up, it’s time to cook, woof!”

Da Bai slapped his paws across An Lin’s face before finally rousing An Lin from his slumber.

An Lin opened his bleary eyes before shooting a glare at Da Bai.

He was lucky that An Lin didn’t have any tendency to exercise after waking up. Otherwise, he would have been greeted by a Mountain Quaking Fist that would disfigure him to the point that even his mother wouldn’t recognize him!

Immediately afterward was a family dinner. Of course, the family here was referring to his beast pet team.

An Lin also invited Xu Xiaolan over as well.

Xu Xiaolan wore a light blue daoist robe this time, which was a rare deviation from her usual jade dress. A purple sash was tied around her slim waist, and her hair was tied into a bun to reveal her fair, long neck.

“An Lin, you haven’t even fully recovered from your injuries, but you’re already holding a celebratory feast?” Her voice was extremely pleasing to the ear as she spoke with a dainty smile.

An Lin stroked the paw prints on his face with a resigned sigh. “The beast pets forced me into it. I feel like I’m not their owner, but their slave chef instead.”

Da Bai slapped the table with his paw. “How else are you going to inspire loyalty from us? Woof!”

“Big Brother Bai is right, I am in full agreement with his words!” Xue Zhantian chimed in in a loud voice.

“Master, I only have two hobbies in my life; photosynthesizing and eating food cooked with the frying pan. Can’t you satisfy our small wish?” Xiao Hong also chimed in in her sweet voice.

“See?” An Lin splayed his hands before him in resignation.

Xu Xiaolan covered her mouth as she chuckled. “Then it’s all thanks to Da Bai and the others that I have an opportunity to eat this hotpot.”

An Lin chuckled in reply. “That’s not the case. If you want, I can cook this every day for you!”

He extended a hand to grab onto Xu Xiaolan’s hand as he spoke.

Xu Xiaolan’s bright eyes rippled, and a light blush appeared on her face as she averted her gaze in embarrassment. “What are you doing? Concentrate on cooking!”

“Well, the soup isn’t boiling yet…” An Lin replied with a wide grin.

Xiao Chou silently increased the output of his flames.

Da Bai pulled out his dog food to munch on, which he also handed out to the other beast pets.

His only concern was that his stomach would be too full of dog food before the hotpot even began to cook…

An extremely alluring scent soon began to waft into the air from the hotpot.

An Lin, Xu Xiaolan, Xiao Ze, and all the best pets enjoyed a joyful meal of hotpot.

This was a serene and happy day.