I Can Turn into a Fish

“Wow. Daddy, these goldfish are so pretty and cute!” The little girl leaned on a fish tank; her big, cute eyes stared at the goldfish in the tank.

“Boss, your goldfish are pretty good, truly top grade,” the middle-aged man said with high praise.

“Yes.” Chu Xian’s heart was happy – it looked like this was an expert, so the odds of making a sale increased quite a bit.

“Daddy, I want some! I want to put these little goldfish on my desk. Please, daddy!” the little girl asked cutely as she pulled on the man’s shirt.

“Hehe, okay, okay. If I buy them for you, you have to feed them every day and take care of them!” The man ruffled her hair lovingly.

“En. Don’t worry daddy! I’ll raise them well and make them grow really big!” the little girl said and gestured with her little finger.

“Okay, okay. Let them grow really big,” the middle-aged man nodded, and looking at Chu Xian, he asked, “Is the price the same as the price online?”

“Yes, two thousand each. If you buy five, you get a free fish tank. Choose any one you like,” Chu Xian said with a big, satisfied smile.

“En. Alright, pumpkin. Which one do you like? Pick one!” The middle-aged man smiled and tousled her hair.

“These ones! Daddy, I want these ones!” The little girl pointed at the fish tank.

“Sure, okay. Seven goldfish. Boss, can you add this last one too?” the middle-aged man said to Chu Xian.

“Sure, sure!” Chu Xian nodded immediately, scooping out one fish and placing it into the tank with the others, saying, “In total, that’ll be sixteen thousand.”

“En. Can I use card?” the middle-aged man asked.

“I’m really sorry, but I can’t take card. You can use Alipay or WeChat, and there’s also an ATM not too far away.” Chu Xian shook his head apologetically.

“Alipay then!” The middle-aged man nodded.

“Sixteen thousand!” After receiving the man’s payment, Chu Xian’s face(1) showed an excited expression, and he tended to the father-daughter pair until they left.

The four young men standing at the side watched, dumbfounded. Damn! There really are people who buy these two thousand RMB fish! And this guy actually bought eight!

The four were stunned and embarrassed and left the shop in a hurry.

“F*** me! This goldfish shop is really a gold fish shop! All the fish are made of gold! Eight small goldfish sold for sixteen thousand!” the crewcut boy said, frustrated.

“Too crazy! If he hadn’t made a sale just now, I would’ve thought this boss was mentally-ill. F**, rich people are so crazy nowadays!”

“I’m going to post one more message and then switch accounts!” the crewcut boy said with a black face. He posted on his feed, “This loser has one more thing to say. Just now I saw someone spend sixteen thousand RMB on eight goldfish. Hit for 1000000+ critical damage. This will be my final post!”

“Haha, Lao San. Look at the replies. There are already over one thousand!”

“Lao Er, stop laughing!” The crewcut boy glared at him and started reading the replies.

“F*** me! Two thousand for one, that’s too crazy!”

“Horse balls! This seller is crazy. I’ll go to the sea and scoop some fish for you tomorrow!”

“The guy above me is an idiot – the sea has no goldfish! Over and out.”

“I’ve just been waiting for the OP to get his face slapped. Goddess Qing Qing’s goldfish are obviously precious and priceless! Even though I, a total loser, had predicted this outcome already, I just wanted to see OP’s expression!”

“I just want to know the expression of those bros who replied to Qing Qing’s post!”

“Let me answer you. I’m glad I didn’t go to the shop to buy goldfish with the OP like an idiot. Even though my left cheek has been slapped, I still have my right cheek intact!”

“Haha! I’ll go check out the shop with some friends soon!”

“I already prepared some black masks. Guys, I’m planning something big!”

“F***. I’m so lucky that no one knows this account is mine, or else I’d be so embarrassed.” The crewcut boy’s forehead dripped with cold sweat.

“Actually Lao San, I may have accidentally just told Wen Wen!”

The crewcut boy felt like his vision turned black!

Due to Qing Qing’s post and the live feed, the whole school was buzzing with gossip about this ornamental fish shop that sold two thousand RMB goldfish from that afternoon up until six in the evening, and everyone was preparing to visit Gu Wu Street.

“Gonna post this on WeChat!” Chu Xian posted a screenshot of the sixteen thousand Alipay payment on his Moments, and smiling like a villain, he said, “I earned twenty-six thousand in one day! Haha, this is so great. That’ll show the people who looked down on me. Heng! Why am I so cool? Ga ga(2)!”

Chu Xian looked at all his new friend requests in a great mood and accepted them all one by one. Then, he opened the Fast Hands app.

Because of Xiao Xiao’s stream and video, his Fast Hands account gained increasingly more followers, and more and more people messaged him. Chu Xian checked his messages, noting down some of the more serious questions. When he saw that his followers numbered more than ten thousand, he applied for streaming permission.

Starting his stream, he introduced his goldfish to explain his goldfish a little more in depth. Once people saw his stream, who knows – maybe more people would come to his shop. The two buyers today were an example.

After playing around for a while, Chu Xian ordered some food including a chicken leg and sausage. Feeling extremely satisfied, he started eating.

Around seven that evening, Chu Xian looked in surprise at the groups of male and female students filling his shop, examining him and his goldfish curiously. One after another took pictures and posted them on their Moments.

He heard many times, “Wow, the goldfish are really two thousand RMB each, but they really are very pretty and cute.” Etc.

“It looks like my shop is really hot right now!” Chu Xian looked at all the guests and happily thought to himself.

That night, even though he didn’t make any more sales, more and more people came in. Some random people on the street came in to see what the fuss was about and were incredibly surprised when they saw the prices.

Nevertheless, none of the guests ever said the goldfish were ugly, and all of them used their phones to take photos or videos and posted them on WeChat.

Chu Xian was very happy with the situation. These people were helping him advertise his shop, and as the number of potential customers increased, business was definitely going to get better and better.

“My comeback starts now!” Chu Xian laughed uproariously.

Translator’s Thoughts

 Aristophaneso

(1)- So, English lesson here. If you are being very picky with grammar, this sentence means that Chu Xian’s face received the payment. Perfectly correct English would have ‘after receiving… Chu Xian showed an excited expression on his face. The first noun after the subordinate clause is the thing being modified (compare the first noun – face, and person). Of course, communication is not always about being correct. It’s also about the memes.

(2)- Ga ga is a Chinese variant of the Japanese kukukukuku. Villain laugh. His post is largely just a huge meme, showing off while knowing he’s showing off and being funny about it.