I Can Turn into a Fish

“What a beautiful Panda Goldfish. So cute! I want one!”

“It’s really incredible! This is the most beautiful goldfish I’ve ever seen! It looks so much like a panda!”

“The goldfish is quite pretty, but the seller is crazy! Two thousand RMB for one? Is it made out of gold?”

“Damn! Screw me! On Taobao this is at most ten RMB for one and you want two thousand? Are you so poor you’ve gone crazy?”

“Excuse me, does this fish taste better steamed or braised?”

“Our shop sells them at five RMB for one.”

“F**, you’re all stupid ***. This is the highest quality Panda Goldfish! Two thousand RMB isn’t expensive at all.”

“So cheap! Boss, give me one thousand of them.”

“Why doesn’t the boss accept my WeChat friend request?”

“Only two thousand? I was going to buy a couple hundred for my cat but they’re too cheap – I guess I won’t buy!”

“Eh,” Chu Xian was speechless at the comments. Most commenters just came to see what the fuss was about; few people really knew anything about fish – many thought he was crazy. Two thousand RMB for a little goldfish – most people definitely couldn’t accept such a reality, and this was without even mentioning that TaoBao sold pretty fish for ten RMB.

Nonetheless, there were some gains. Chu Xian opened his WeChat and noticed many people had added him.

“F**k. This garbage phone!” Chu Xian swore as he clicked accept one at a time. With this 500 RMB phone, if he clicked back to the main page, some of the WeChat messages didn’t go through!

“Boss? Can you sell your Panda Goldfish to me for cheaper? I can pay 100 RMB, how does that sound?”

As soon as Chu Xian accepted a couple friend requests, someone sent him this message. He bitterly shook his head and replied, “Fixed price, no bargaining!”

Through his chat with Wang Old Five, he had a basic understanding of these precious goldfish. There were a lot of goldfish on the market but rarely any precious ones. These kinds were hard to breed and very rare, so their price was at least a hundred times, if not a thousand times more expensive.

Even though his goldfish were normal on the inside, after Chu Xian remolded them, they were identical, if not better looking, to other precious goldfish. They were also easier to keep alive.

Block and unfriend – Chu Xian clicked with no hesitation. He had nothing to say to these bargainers; they weren’t sincere buyers.

When his other friends didn’t message him, Chu Xian couldn’t help but shake his head in disappointment. It made sense – two thousand for one goldfish wasn’t a cheap price, and there was no guarantee anyone would buy any online!

After fiddling with his phone for a little bit, Chu Xian decided to sleep.

Inside the female dorms of Hai Qing Standard, the Witch – Xiao Xiao – had just finished watching a video and was now reading the viewer comments below it, laughing when she found some funny ones.

“Eh? He really started selling goldfish!” she exclaimed when she refreshed her following page.

Regarding this man she met that afternoon, at first she was very curious and was very impressed with him. But after she entered his shop and he asked her to advertise for him, she felt a little disappointed.

“What kind of fish can this ordinary guy sell?” Xiao Xiao murmured with a smirk and clicked on the video.

“This?” Xiao Xiao exclaimed. Looking at the beautiful and exquisite Panda Goldfish, she couldn’t help but feel surprised. “What an amazing Panda Goldfish! So beautiful and cute!”

Xiao Xiao was from Hai Qing city and selling fish was her family’s business; they even had their own fishing grounds. Growing up in that environment, she was an expert on various fish and even had some goldfish in her dorm.

Peng! Xiao Xiao jumped off from her bed and went over to the small fish tank on her desk; the tank had a fake mountain, some plants, and eight goldfish swimming around inside. Comparing her own fish with the Panda Goldfish in the video, she couldn’t help but feel that her own goldfish were common and plain.

“Xiao Xiao, what’s your problem?!” Xiao Man cried in confusion. Xiao Xiao had jumped off her bed and now wiggled her butt and leaned topless against her table(1).

“Looking at goldfish!” Xiao Xiao shot back. She turned around and clambered onto Xiao Man’s bed. “Xiao Man, let me show you something!”

“What is it? Can you put on some clothes first?” Xiao Man cried in exasperation as Xiao Xiao wiggled under the blanket.

“Hehe, what’s the matter? We both have them even though mine are a little bigger! Want me to help you grow them?(2)” Xiao Xiao said with a giggle(3).

“Stop it! I really can’t deal with you. What do you want me to watch?” Xiao Man covered herself defensively, glaring warily.

“This – watch this!” Xiao Xiao stopped joking and handed over her phone. “Watch this video from that dude who wanted me to advertise for him.”

Xiao Man watched the video curiously. With wide eyes, she gasped, “Wow, what pretty goldfish, so cute. Xiao Xiao, they’re so much better than yours!”

Xiao Xiao listened with an unhappy expression but had to admit it was true.

“I didn’t know he sold such rare goldfish. If I knew earlier I would’ve bought some this afternoon.”

“But they’re so expensive! Two thousand RMB for one!” Xiao Man said with a frown after reading the caption.

“Expensive? They’re not expensive at all! My goldfish each cost a couple hundred RMB, and his Panda Goldfish is a really rare and precious goldfish – two thousand is already cheap!” Xiao Xiao explained.

“I really can’t understand how rich people live!” Xiao Man said, sticking her tongue out at Xiao Xiao.

“Tomorrow afternoon, since there’s no class we can go to his shop and look around. If there are any good-looking ones, we’ll take them!” Xiao Xiao made her plans with excitement.

“Take?” Xiao Man said speechlessly(4). “How are you going to take them?”

“Easy. When the time comes, Xiao Man, you sacrifice your beauty and seduce him a little, so a loser like him will definitely gift you several nice fish like a good boy, haha!” Xia Xiao winked and teased.

“Xiao Xiao, your stupid words make me think you want to get beat up!”

“Ah! Stop squeezing! You’re just jealous mine are bigger!”

…

Chu Xian had no idea two beautiful girls were talking about him. After getting out of bed, he cleaned his shop and wrinkled his brows at the remaining goldfish and tanks.

“Whatever. I’ll just use today to remold everything!” Chu Xian said, gritting his teeth.

His shop was very plain. Now that he was planning on selling high-quality goldfish, his shop environment didn’t really fit. At the very least, the fish tanks had to go.

Immediately following through with this thought, Chu Xian gulped down his breakfast and rode his moped to the fish market.

Translator’s Thoughts

 Aristophaneso

(1)- I take no responsibility.

(2)- There may or may not be a myth that rubbing/touching makes it bigger.

(3)- Now imagine if you used giggle for old geezers. Now you know my pain.

(4)- I try my best with this, but the author really loves having speechless people speak. What can I do. Should I just leave it out if it ain’t making sense.