Because I simply love you

Chapter 315: The whole truth and nothing else (5)

As another strong wave crashed across the shore, the situation Jinhai and Nana came to a standstill.

“I love you, so naturally, I wished to be with you. But how could I have interfered when you had a wife! How could I have stepped in between you two? And if I had to make you mine, then I would have tried to ruin your marriage. I would have become the homewrecker. But if I didn’t do it that, then it meant that I was against such methods.”

“You were not wrong in wanting to get out of that marriage. But it is not necessary every time that you have to give an eye for an eye. Yes, you taught Huian a lesson, but do you realize how many people had to pay the price for that? Instead of just exposing her, you made this as if it was a game, hurting so many of your loved ones.”

Jinhai shut his eyes in despair.

Nana laughed with tears in her eyes. “Now our marriage feels nothing but more than just a calculation of yours. Nothing but just a well-planned strategy. You…make me feel like a puppet.”

Jinhai shook her head. “No Nana-“

“It feels as if there was a string on my back. You said ‘Nana move left’ so I moved left. You said ‘Nana go right,’ so turned right. You wanted Nana to get drugged, so it happened. You wanted to sleep with Nana, so you did just that, blatantly ignoring that the puppet had a life and that she never wanted any of this.”

“But Nana…my plan was irrespective of Jianyu’s decision to let Suyin go. Even if I hadn’t done all that, Jianyu would have still made the same choice. And he would have never told you! If you had gone ahead with the engagement, then you would have only got hurt in the end!”

“I know, and I would have still broken up with him coming to know the truth, but once again, I tell you that it was my decision. And you knew the truth too. But why you didn’t say anything to me if you cared about me? You both hid the fact for your own purposes. So how can you point your finger at only him?”

“I…” Jinhai couldn’t say anything.

“And Jinhai, more than the fact I could have got hurt by staying with him, it was you who would have got hurt by seeing me with Jianyu. You were protecting your feelings first. You were protecting yourself from getting hurt.”

Her words stabbed his heart like thorns. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t deny it.

Nana lowered her gaze to look down at her tummy. A tear fell on it as she caressed it.

“My baby…You didn’t even spare our baby for your plan. I-I will never forgive you…”

“Nana I…” Jinhai felt sick in his stomach. He knew where this was heading, but he didn’t want to accept it.

He did realize that he went too far in the way of making Nana his. He had indeed hurt innocent people. But now everything was already done.

“Enough! You were just selfish. This is not love. Th-This…” Nana cried.

Jinhai grabbed her face. “Nana, please forgive me. I-I will bear any punishment. I will do anything you want! But please forgive me. L-lets forget about it. Let’s start anew.”

Nana looked at him as if he was crazy. “Forget about it? Start anew? Are you even listening to yourself? You expect that after everything you did, you want to act as if nothing happened?”

Jinhai pleaded her. His voice, his gaze, his tears were just begging her. “Nana, please…i-it’s all in the past now. Aren’t we happy now?”

Nana glared at him furiously. “Happy? Do you call this happiness? The happiness that when we got married, Uncle and Aunt Chen were suffering from their grief of losing their son? When our family was filled with laughter and joy, their family had clouds of sadness and despair looming over them? At the cost of their tears, I don’t accept this happiness, Jinhai!”

Jinhai froze. His heart was racing in fear.

“W-what are you saying? Nana, I beg you d-don’t say such things. O-okay…” he wiped his tears, “You punish me, however, you want. Okay? Slap me, hit me, punch me, curse me but please please forgive me…”

Nana stepped back. Jinhai’s breath stuck in his throat.

“Its already too late, Jinhai,” Nana looked blank and lifeless. “First, you play such a vicious game, and then you hide it from me. Even when I asked you so many times, you chose to hide the truth. And now that it has come out only because I accidentally overhead your conversation with Huian, you are asking for forgiveness. I will not stand for it anymore.”

Jinhai felt suffocated. 

There was a long stretch of silence. Nana looked straight at him.

“Jinhai.”

“Nana…”

“Let’s live separately for a while.”

Silence.

Jinhai couldn’t believe it. It shook to his core to hear that coming from Nana.

“Na-Nana, what are you saying? H-How is it possible?”

“Why not? I don’t want to see your face, nor do I want to live with a man like you under one roof anymore. So it’s best to-“

“No!”

Jinhai cut her off and shook her hard. “Live separately? Never! Nana, I know you are angry with me, but we can sought it out, right? We will talk about it.”

Jinhai felt as if he wasn’t in his senses anymore. Panic, dread, fear everything took over him.

“There is nothing left to talk between us. You…Serena…the people I trusted so much in my life even more than myself were the very ones who broke it into pieces. She was my best friend. I couldn’t forgive her. You are my husband. I cannot forgive you either. You both hurt me, and you both stayed quiet until the very end. So you are not any different from her either.”

Nana turned and started to leave, but Jinhai grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She clearly saw the desperation in his eyes. But he forced her to make the decision. Even if her heart was getting torn apart right now, even if it was crushing her to leave his side, she knew she had to stay firm.

“Jinhai, let me go.”

His dream was getting real right in front of his eyes.

“Nana I love you, I love you so much. Please don’t do this…I cannot live without you. I cannot breathe without you. I…I am sorry. Please…”

He collapsed on his knees. He begged her like his life was depended on her words, and for him, it really was.

“Nana, please…” He rested his forehead on her arm.

Nana felt the wetness of his warm tears on her hand, dripping down till her palm, and it felt as if somebody cruelly twisted her heart.

But if Jinhai was hurt with her words, then Nana was more hurt with his actions. She didn’t have the strength to forgive him and let it all go.

She clutched her tummy.

Forgive your Mama. I know you love Papa so much, but now…I cannot live with him. I don’t know for how long. Will you please understand your Mama?

Jinhai was sobbing, hugging her tightly as he was still on his knees.

Nana slowly withdrew her hand.

Jinhai stumbled. He blankly looked at her, whose expression mirrored just like him.

Nana started walking away.

He kept on watching her back going farther and farther away, just like that dream. The distance between them kept on increasing.

He felt his knees go weak. He wanted to run after her, but it was as if they were rooted on the spot like some invisible shackles were locked on his ankles.

“Nana…NANA!!!”

Jinhai somehow found the strength to stand.

I cannot lose you. I cannot lose you, Nana.

As his footsteps grew closer to her, Nana suddenly said, “Stop Jinhai.”

He stopped in his tracks.

“Don’t follow me.”

“Nana, I beg you…Please don’t leave me. You, our baby, have already become a part of me.”

“Jinhai for once…will you let me do what I want?”

He stiffened.

What did Nana want?

Jinhai gritted his teeth. “But you want to leave me! How can I stand and let that happen!?”

Nana was silent.

She quietly said, “Alright, then let me put it this way. Do you love me?”

“Of course! I love you.”

“Will you do anything for me?”

He furiously nodded. “I will do anything.”

“Then, please let me go. Please don’t force me to live with you.”

Force? Does Nana now feel forced to live with me?

He didn’t say anything.

“If you love me even a little bit, then this time… please do what I want.”

In the same candlelit path where they came together, they were now standing as if they were worlds apart from each other.

So I have to let her go if I love her? Wasn’t everything just going fine? Then why…

Nana waited but didn’t hear his answer.

She started walking again. As she reached outside the beach, Jinhai suddenly stood in front of her.

“Where are you going?”

Without looking at him, she said, “Liang villa.”