Back Then, I Adored You

What Lu Bancheng said was a surprise to Qin Zhi’ai, but she did not expect that he could possibly surprise her even more.

“When the body double left, I was worried about Bro Sheng. I hung out with him almost every day back then. Xiao’ai, do you know Bro Sheng could not have been more normal? He ate, went to work, and socialized as usual. He even joked with people at dinner and would sing karaoke. He acted like nothing had happened, as if the substitute had never been in his life. When I saw him acting like this, I was definitely happy for him.

“Then one day, after I’d had dinner with him, we each went back home, but halfway there I remembered I’d left a file at Bro Sheng’s house. I needed it urgently, so I went over to his house, and I saw him through window singing instead of working. I thought Bro Sheng really knew how to enjoy life. But I hadn’t realized how wrong I was until I walked to the door and saw him crying instead of singing.”

Lu Bancheng had become uncharacteristically sad as he talked about Gu Yusheng. He fumbled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it up.

Being pregnant, Qin Zhi’ai tried her best to avoid the smoke while not being obvious about it, as she had to hear what else Lu Bancheng knew. After he smoked half of the cigarette and blew out a cloud of smoke, he continued.

“He was playing a song, the song he sang at the dinner when he was joking with everyone. That song was that body double’s favorite. It’s one of the few songs that I can remember the name of—’The End.’ I can even remember the lyrics.”

Recalling this, Lu Bancheng became even more sad. He mumbled the song lyrics with the cigarette between his lips, “My world has changed for you little by little, but you did not see what I have done for you.”

After singing that line, Lu Bancheng looked out the window as he quietly smoked. Without turning to Qin Zhi’ai, he continued to talk.

“That night, I secretly followed Bro Sheng. He went to a plaza where we used to play when we were kids. There’s a wishing fountain there, and I watched him toss a coin into it and make a wish. It was gusting that night, I had the window cracked, and the wind blew his voice toward me. He said he wished to have her back.”

Qin Zhi’ai hadn’t said a word since Lu Bancheng had begun talking. She sat quietly at the table eating her dinner one bite of rice after another. It was as if she were hearing a story that had nothing to do with her. Toward the end, she felt like she’d eaten a feast. Both her stomach and her heart were full.

She could not describe how she felt in words, and silently in her head she was replaying everything Lu Bancheng had said into vivid scenes.

She saw Gu Yusheng singing “The End” from beginning to end.

She saw how intensely he even listened to “The End.”

She saw him making a wish at the fountain. He was holding his hands together, wishing to have her back.

“Xiao’ai, do you know Bro Sheng left Beijing the beginning of last year because his grandfather forced him to marry Xiaokou?”