Am I A God?

In Xiao Shiyu’s eyes, all Zhao Yao ever did was laze around and play computer games.

It irked her.

She could not help but march up to him and asked, “Boss, can you please help out a little and clean the cafe?”

Zhao Yao slammed one hand on the table dramatically.

“Hey! Why do you make it sound like I do nothing around here?” he cried, outraged, “Didn’t you see that I just secured a big deal for us? It’s hard work. I deserve a break.”

Shiyu pointed at Mango, whom was a short distance away.

“Unfortunately, Mango’s business has not taken a break,” she said glumly.

The silly cat had pooped himself again. There was a large s**t stain that covered his bum and soaked through his long fur. He was like a huge, saturated paintbrush that smeared poop all over the floor when he sat down. Customers were fleeing from him and his golden trail.

“Oh my God!” Yan Xiao Qing yelled, running to Zhao Yao with Elizabeth in her arms, “Boss, you have to do something about Mango!”

“Yuck!” Coco Sun stuck out her tongue.

She pulled her roommate, Leigh Zhao, towards the furthest corner in the cafe.

“It stinks!” she shrunk against the wall.

Mango eventually became the sole inhabitant of the cafe’s center. He looked around curiously at the dispersed crowd, completely unaware that it was him everyone was avoiding. He did not even notice that the lower half of his body was stained with brown.

Zhao Yao’s head was starting to hurt. He looked at Mango, then at his hands, then back to Mango again.

“Matcha,” he called out telepathically, “Take Mango to the bathroom.”

“Why me? Ask Roly Poly to do it,” Matcha retorted.

He had escaped to the highest platform on a kitty tower to get away from Mango and his s**t.

Roly Poly was currently holed up beneath a table.

“I can’t catch Mango! I’m too fat to outrun him,” he said.

He chuckled deviously to himself.

“There’s no better time to use my invisibility than now!” he thought triumphantly.

Zhao Yao looked from one cat to another.

“Elizabeth’s mind control has never worked on Mango. As for Dust Ball…”

The moment he turned to the tiny cat, she shook her head violently.

“No way am I cleaning that up,” she declared.

“Horrible cats. I can’t rely on any of you!”

Zhao Yao narrowed his eyes at Mango, whom was still roaming around carefreely, dripping s**t wherever he went. He sighed, then headed for the cat, whom he carried into the bathroom.

After he bathed Mango and thoroughly disinfected the cafe, he slumped back into his usual seat.

“Today was pretty tough. Time for a break!”

The next afternoon, Ah Wei arrived at the cafe bearing plate after plate of exquisite dishes. These were the food that Old Man Zhuang and his friends wanted to have tonight.

It was going to be a seafood fiesta as planned. The grilled scallops, shrimp-filled tofu, steamed sea bass, spicy tiger prawns, and squirrel mandarin fish were all in attendance.

Zhao Yao had a great time tasting each delicacy with Hanako, Shiyu, and Baiquan.

The moment Shiyu bit into the mandarin fish, she was blown away by how the meat remained crispy even though it was bathed in a zingy, hot sauce. She looked pleasantly surprised.

“This is so good! I’ve never had squirrel mandarin fish like that!” she exclaimed.

Hanako was enjoying herself as well. Her eyes were closed in contentment like a cat’s would. She took another bite of the tofu.

“This is the best meal I’ve had in China.”

Baiquan gave no comments. His strict training torched calories, so he constantly needed to consume a lot of food to maintain his energy levels. He quietly wolfed down most of the food with a smile on his face.

When the cafe closed for the day, Baiquan, Shiyu, and Hanako busied themselves with cleaning up. Zhao Yao, on the other hand, had some overtime duties to complete.

He greeted Old Man Zhuang at the door. Tonight, he was accompanied by one man in black and two elderly gentlemen. Zhao Yao had no clue who they were.

It was obvious that they were plagued with maladies like Zhuang did. When they were within reach of the Celestial Beats, their faces lit up visibly. A look of relaxation and relief then took over.

Bowls and plates brimming with delicious-looking food magically appeared on the table when Zhao Yao waved a hand. The men gawked at him, eyes round as marbles.

Surprise morphed into satisfaction as they tasted each and every one of the dishes.

“I finally…I finally have a chance to eat these again!”

“My dear boy, could you conjure some wine for us?”

“Come, Zhuang, have another one.”

“We’ve not got together in too long.”

“We’re all that remains of our gang now.”

Perhaps Zhao Yao’s illusions were overly realistic, or perhaps the men have not felt so relaxed in ages. Whatever it was, they were getting tipsy within 10 minutes.

“Ah Song was only 14 years old. 14. He attacked first because I hesitated. It’s all my fault.”

“Zhuang, look at my grandson. Just look at him! Ridiculous little thing. He’s this ruthless capitalist. When I die, how can I explain this to our leader?”

As the men got more intoxicated and started divulging more private information, Zhao Yao decided to leave.

“Don’t you dare vomit,” he mumbled.

As he settled back into his seat downstairs, he could hear muffled sobs and shouts coming from the drunk men. Zhao Yao threw a dirty look at the stairs.

“Boss, do you need me to ask them to turn it down?” Baiquan offered.

“It’s alright. I doubt they’ve had a chance to be like this in a long time,” Zhao Yao said, putting on his earphones.

“Alcohol’s the perfect excuse for being who you truly are unapologetically,” he mused.

After all, his illusions were merely realistic, not real. There was no alcohol served tonight. The men just needed a catalyst for release.

An hour later, both of Old Man Zhuang’s guests were sleeping soundly on the couch. Zhuang himself was laughing cheerily as he approached Zhao Yao.

“I’m sorry about this. They’ve not had a drink in a while, so they got drunk rather quickly.”

The old man continued to invite his friends to the cafe on the following nights. They brought with them a steady stream of extra revenue and experience points.

Combined with Zhao Yao’s diligence at fulfilling his daily missions, the Book soon reached Level 5 (4,828 / 10,000).

However, even though every one of the cats’ requests had been fulfilled, the main mission to raise the happiness index in the cat nation remained incomplete.

This inspired Zhao Yao to conduct a happiness survey that night.

*

A few minutes later, Zhao Yao was in the carton-filled no man’s land of the extradimensional belly. He was seated behind a desk. Airplane was opposite him, eyes squinting from the flashlight that was pointed directly at him.

“I need you to be honest with me, boy. Are you unhappy with me?” Zhao Yao demanded.

Airplane was shaking with fright. “No…no, of course not.”

“Then, what do you think of the Village of Dreams?”

“It’s the best place ever!” he responded a little too quickly, “Everyone gets along and we have enough to eat and so much to do. I love it there!”

“Is that so?” Zhao Yao narrowed his eyes.

He brought the light closer to Airplane’s face.

“Why are you nervous, Airplane? Are you hiding something? You better come clean right now and tell me what’s wrong with the Village of Dreams.”

“Sir, everything I’ve said is true. The Village of Dreams is a wonderful strategy. We’re all thankful for your leadership and King George’s foresight. Under you, even strays like myself can lead a beautiful life full of games, food, and even catmint. Long live the Village of Dreams!”